I will get over it.

 

Heyyo its me, I'm still alive somehow after 3 months not updating my blog. 

I don't know where to start because a lot of things happened around me including me myself. 

Okay lets start with my academic, it's week 13 and my fyp is going downhill. I've a lot a helping hands around me and yet.. I still can't make any progress. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm hoping that this Eid, I've courage to ask for my mother's blessing in my life. Wish me luck! By the way, I'm at my campus right now since last two months, but this corona thingy is nowhere to end. I don't want to ulas more deeply about this but other fellow Malaysians would understand what I tryna to say. However, with the number of cases that debut hari2 tinggi segayatnya, those Mar*** still, want to conduct our final exam offline.. which means.. we're RIP this semester. Why? Undang2 laut saja dah 22 chapters, resistance lagi.. nak present fyp lagi.. aduhhh Hoping that if someone read this, please pray for my project and I don't have to extend my degree. Amin.

I'll be back to Perlis soon and let me tell you one thing. Since MCO is making their comeback, all of us student need to register in order to get our official letter so we can cross boarder. The thing is.. your favorite girl.. yes.. this girl.. wrote down the date with full extra confidence.. not knowing the date is on the wrong day so I've to spend my time alone in my room when all my roommate is at their hometown already. I really love myself.. really... for sabotaging myself like this t_t Hoping that when that day come.. Niz will be available to accompany me even though we'd 3 seconds delay when we communicate. Who's Niz? Let stay playful together :) = lets keep it as secret for now. 

Everyday is like a new day to me, did I tell you about this one guy that I try to hit? If not.. lets keep it that way. As conclusion, it went well which.. I'm quite.. you know.. being 'fishy' about it. Okay so that is one thing.. the other thing is.. okay 17 years old dyno won't believe this but there's someone crushing on her. Sad to say I've to decline it because I'd invest 80% of my past year life for Niz and I don't want to waste it like that.. on something stupid. How it happened? Back to the root, I approved him on my Facebook and somehow after 4 days having conversation.. he decided that I'm the love of his life. My friends already warned me, 'Don't you dare give that guy any hope.' Every day I reminded him about Niz existed in my life and you know what's the other plot twist is? Niz and him is in the same course programme. If we think logically, sanggup eh nak sailang member punya hm.

Anyways, you though that I was living my life at the fullest right.. in fact.. not really. I'm afraid that I'll hurt people's feeling, mostly Niz. I told myself everyday that I'm not actually loved by someone, and people is using me only. Ain kept asking me like..' What do you want actually?' Me myself doesn't know the answer. As long as I can remember. since Niz is at KL until Japan.. smpai la naik kapal. He never missed a chance to call me everyday. Even though just to teman him sleeping.. I found my comfort in there. But then, I'll always making everything is an issue to him which the ending was.. I nyesal then hating myself even more. The other good thing in him is, he'll never let me sleep with un-resolved issue. Like, dia nak settlekan hari tu jugak and sometimes he'll try to annoy me just to let me forget that I was mad. Why I was smiling writing this? Supposedly,  I'm typing this with straight face.

My past relationship is 4 years+ and the consequences is.. I always think about.. if this relationship failed. What I'm gonna do? I'm tired finding someone new. Sumpah letih. Tapi He is the most powerful. Plan macam nak rak pun, kalau Dia nak twist.. siapa kita nak persoalkan. I pray everyday that God paired me with the right person. Deep in my heart I still mentioning his name to be my jodoh but.. that's the only thing that I can do. You don't have that much power to hold someone.. I mean.. he can love you today and he can hate you for the rest of his life tomorrow. That's why I'm trying to make every moment meaningful whenever he find me. Because I don't know smpai bila benda ni bertahan. Do you miss your ex? The thought of texting him is always there, but I chose not to. I know, both of us is still healing, so it's not the right time to contact with someone who you used to share your life with. Sometimes, I tried to compare Niz and him but I cancelled it right away because both of them is difference person and I shouldn't do that. As time flies, I know I'll get over him and our memories. 

I think this Ramadhan, I'm focusing on fixing myself.. and still trying. I'm hoping that after this, my mental is more stable so people around me can live peacefully without worrying about me. 

Wish me luck :)

BE THE LOVE THAT YOU NEVER RECEIVED