Ramadhan 2020

I'm sitting at my study desk at home that I owned since 12 years old I think?? or earlier than that with my cold milk. I got my assessment including the rubrics beside me. That explained where I'm missing these past month, I was so occupied that I don't have time to write new post or even welcoming Ramadhan in my blog. Ramadhan will end tomorrow as the date for Hari Raya had been announced just now. I'm in dilemma whether the announcer are wearing blue or purple? 

I think this Ramadhan, I do progress including something that totally 'sembang' from day 1. So my.. husnozon part of me thinking that oh this Ramadhan I'll do the prompts that I've been searched in the internet such as the writing and drawing prompt. Guess what? I'm behind more than 15 days. Talking about consistency!! Consistency iz da key.. but I lost that key. The drawing prompts is quit disastrous, for the alien prompt, I tried to draw pleakley from Lilo & Stich cartoon and since then I've been traumatized after looking at the end product. But it's okay everyone have their own paced, I'll try complete all those prompt. I can't focus on them because my brain kept thinking, what if I ran out of pages in my sketchbook? How do I order a new one? I'm that one person who is scared to do online purchases because I know, I tend to do mistakes. Before this I only asked Zarul or Ain to do the purchases and now I'm all alone. Dasar miss corona bij y don't u go die?!?!? Pape pun I'll try my best to finish it. 

Okay actually I'm freaking out because after not visiting my dashboard for a very long time, google did change the user interface and I don't know how things work now T_T I can't find my justify paragraph and ended up with jump long break pe jadah, I know there's gonna be something unusual when I publish this post. Okay let's go to the real post about how my Ramadhan going this 2020.

This 2020 Ramadhan really hit me in different way because all these things that happened. I only went out for 2 days, I just doing my part by staying at home for another 63 days. It sucks you know because all of us scared with miss corona as we can't see them and yet they can kill all of us without mercy. I'm praying that my immune system will stay strong and fight those bijs. So my target this ramadhan were:

• Performed Taraweeh everyday - only skip once and during my period which is 9 days.
• Memorize surah lazim - only manage to memorize 2
• Hear 1 podcast a day - What is this behaviour?!
• Make full notes on every subject - you're a fool sis
• Join everyday sketch challenge - pffft
• khatam Al-Quran - only manage to 7 juzuk
• Stop procrastinating - everyone knows the answer sis, even if they don't know about you.

I can't believe, I really did that to myself. *smiling while doing peace sign* I'm gonna roast myself for entire 2020. I have my excuse okay, I will explain it later. But kuddos to myself for trying.. trying to do something this Ramadhan. I'm very satisfied with the Taraweeh part because last year I only did it at mosque and pretended that I don't know about it when I went back to Perlis. Even though I only did 8 Rakaat, I still appreciated my own efforts for doing that without anybody asking me to do so. The podcast and notes part, why I want to humiliate myself like that, I can't hear podcast as I cepat bosan. Podcast is not for me I think. Maybe if Adam Driver or Blackpink is the topic, I might hear it until the end. Ramadhan at my house is still the same, my mom cooked every day. Me? Still can't do things in the kitchen because it is restricted. Ytjt. Overall, this households don't give any pain in the a** this year as I don't feel any stress like usual. But it doesn't me I'm free with it. Anyways, it still the same, after Ifthar.. everyone did their own things. Repeat that cycle for 30 days.

This is the part I'm gonna pour my heart out. I appreciated the way that you know who department to cancel our final but instead, they replaced it with final assessments. Here is the thing, when it comes to things that really really new. The whole emergency plan were not that perfect. Lecturer starts giving out the assessments, whenever they like and who on earth take 1 subject per semester. I don't feel like Raya this year, not because it is a sign of my death, it just.. the due date for the assessment really bothering us. I want to remind you that my course have 'engineering' word in it. Anyways I'm the one who did it to myself. My mental health really went down the slide. You know what it did to me? At 2 am I was so determined to do Lisa's choreography step and I finally made it. At 2 am, can you believe me. That is not me. omg. All these assessment, I think after miss corona berambus, I will take my oral test and other test so I can claim the ts, dr, all the titles. There's no more boundary. If it is normal day, no lecturer will give work at this time because we want to celebrate Syawal but how the turn tables. I already redho with my boiler subject. Go do it yourself. 

This Ramadhan also made me realized that my ear's drum already immune with my alarm. How can't I hear it? I almost missed my class 2 times. Dah la terpaling perform pastu takde lam kelas, lecturer freaked out lah. But I enter the class dengan bergaya and I suffer back pain for carrying the class for 2 hours as everyone decided to close their mic and continue their sleep. I can't doh dengar lecturer tanya then takde sapa jawab. Because my parent is a teacher so the amount of respect for people like them are higher. So layankan je la. Not forgetting how my mom try to have heart to heart talk with me. The audacity asking me to secure my job in government sector. I was like pffft I love the efforts but NO. I will take my license and you never see me again. I paid, I mean the people who give me the loan paid more than RM100k for this course and you want me to go work there. For my profession, no. I will prove to her that I will make a good money from this. Hey future Deanna, mark this word. And also my brother got teaching institute to further his study and he had to shoot interview video about the way he's teaching the 'invisible' pupils. The intonation guys, if he passed, he's gonna be the teacher that teach with straight face and will be okay if there's kid bullying him. How do people live by following someone's instruction. My mom also asked me to become a teacher but me, the first one who break the barrier saying no. Till then, my mum doesn't hang my graduation pic on the wall. I'm a disgrace to this family. 

So another 2 days till Raya, I don't know whether I will update or not but Selamat Hari Raya guys.  If I ever hurts your feelings with my word in this blog, please accept it because you deserved it. Till next post.

Enjoy the look of  Zarul's madu: