The Struggle

First of all, I used reference on pinterest so I just redraw it. (Not claiming )
On today episode is... first of all lets start with the car, is not mine but my mom paid for it so it my mom's and I'm just using it. Today my father picked up my brothers from school and then he sent text message on family group stating that there is a freaking "umbrella nail" a.k.a paku payung poking the tire and here they goes.. attacking my mind. (Mostly known as anxiety/panic attack). I started to questioning myself where the hell did I went sampai kena paku.. or is it happened when my mum drove it or is it my father??! Fortunately, when he came home.. he didn't scold or asking me about the tire so I guess.. it is everyone mistakes aite? Yet still.. I still can't stop thinking about the goddamn tire. The most important is.. why I keep spelling tire as tyre? hmm 

Ok that's all my rant about the tire. Next!

Its been 3 days.. 3 days I keep trying to draw/sketch again but it just.. didn't happen. I try to keep inspired by scrolling pinterest and instagram and still.. my hand and mind still refuse to do so. Am I pushing/trying too hard? I tried to draw a character using reference but still tak menjadi. So yeap, hey guys.. this is what happened when you stop drawing *peace sign*. I miss shading my sketches with marker and color pencil.. I tried to do some typography.. naah still ugly. Steampunk or machine inspired item or character? nope. aah I'm so frustrated. Benci lah gini..

I know I need a lot of practice but my mind and body is just like.. you used to be a loser/quitter so why are you wasting your time trying? So this year, I want change that mindset 100%, last year I kept wasting my time comparing myself with others and being bitter about other's achievement. It is tiring to hide behind my own shadow and keep looking for negative things to trick my mind. At least this year I want to prove to myself that.. hello miss deanna, you're a great babe too like others.. you got talent too.. you're smart too.. yada yada. Well guess what? This bitch will try and try until she can make it *insert some positive vibe electro music genre*.  

I will update more on my sketching progress as I got 1 weeks - ish left before I pursue my degree. Oh yesterday I bought my phone's case (I think my phone case can only be found in wakanda.. they only sell iphone cases nowadays??! I'm broke and my old iphone take a diving class in open sea last 2 years so yeap.. the pain.. thank you for understanding) amd steel straw (save turtle's life gittewww.. jk I bought it because it came with cute pouch) on lazada. Looking forward to go to manjung to see those item as my bf posted it at his house. 

See you in the next post!