11 Mar 2017

Headstart


I guess in this life,
people who we thought that he/she gonna support us might be the one who brought us down.
People keep leaving.
and I keep staying.
After all, me myself are the one who have to be strong to face this challenge.
I'm tired of crying in my bed. People said that I'm ego but did they know I'm the broken ones all this time?
Every kindness that I've made.. and people keep remembering my faults.
I can't do that, I can't go out with this guy, I can't everything.
As a start, I'd deactivated my main instagram, twitter and facebook accounts.
Because I need a damn break from this world.
I need to find myself back. I miss deanna. I miss how strong she is when the world is against her. I miss how she won't lose the battle between herself and the demon. I miss how she don't give a damn fuck towards people who's hating on her.
I miss her.
For now, people keep saying the wrong things about me because they all good at assuming. Very damn good. So I decided to stop. Stop what I am doing right now. Stop going out with him. just stop.
Just call me with the bad names because no one will truly knows me well.
They said that they were always there for me if I had a problem, people have their own problmes too. haha at least you got someone to tell to.
I just met someone who I can be myself and tell my own problems but the world won't approved him.
Why me? Why him?
They said I'm the ego one. I don't know what they want from me? what they expect from me?
I am at my lowest right now without nobody here supporting me except that guy.
To that guy, I'm sorry. I can't fight with these people. Their voices consuming me. I'm in cage right now.. afraid to step outside. I lied to you. I cried last night that's why my eyes swollen pretty bad. They hurt me again.
I'm too fragile now. I'd enough already.
Maybe if I dissapeared, they might reach the peace that they want.
Let me be the one who back off.
I'm not worth their time anyways so why would I bother.
So it's a new headstart. New blog's domain.
With this post. I try to get back up and keep focusing on myself.
I won't let this negativity hold me.
To the people who think they're still my friends, just let me be. let me keep destroying myself as I want to create a new one. the stronger one.
To him, I'm sorry. I wish we had something together but the world are against us.
To my boyfriend, keep breaking my hearts so I won't miss you anymore.
To my parent, I'm sorry for not being your great daughter.
To my brother and lil bro, I'm sorry I can't be your good sister, don't make me your role model.
To my grandma, I'm sorry I can't be your favourite grandchild.

because after all, I'm the bad ones in this story.
Great.
-Dyno

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