I guess in this life,
people who we thought that he/she gonna support us might be the one who brought us down.
People keep leaving.
and I keep staying.
After all, me myself are the one who have to be strong to face this challenge.
I'm tired of crying in my bed. People said that I'm ego but did they know I'm the broken ones all this time?
Every kindness that I've made.. and people keep remembering my faults.
I can't do that, I can't go out with this guy, I can't everything.
As a start, I'd deactivated my main instagram, twitter and facebook accounts.
Because I need a damn break from this world.
I need to find myself back. I miss deanna. I miss how strong she is when the world is against her. I miss how she won't lose the battle between herself and the demon. I miss how she don't give a damn fuck towards people who's hating on her.
I miss her.
For now, people keep saying the wrong things about me because they all good at assuming. Very damn good. So I decided to stop. Stop what I am doing right now. Stop going out with him. just stop.
Just call me with the bad names because no one will truly knows me well.
They said that they were always there for me if I had a problem, people have their own problmes too. haha at least you got someone to tell to.
I just met someone who I can be myself and tell my own problems but the world won't approved him.
Why me? Why him?
They said I'm the ego one. I don't know what they want from me? what they expect from me?
I am at my lowest right now without nobody here supporting me except that guy.
To that guy, I'm sorry. I can't fight with these people. Their voices consuming me. I'm in cage right now.. afraid to step outside. I lied to you. I cried last night that's why my eyes swollen pretty bad. They hurt me again.
I'm too fragile now. I'd enough already.
Maybe if I dissapeared, they might reach the peace that they want.
Let me be the one who back off.
I'm not worth their time anyways so why would I bother.
So it's a new headstart. New blog's domain.
With this post. I try to get back up and keep focusing on myself.
I won't let this negativity hold me.
To the people who think they're still my friends, just let me be. let me keep destroying myself as I want to create a new one. the stronger one.
To him, I'm sorry. I wish we had something together but the world are against us.
To my boyfriend, keep breaking my hearts so I won't miss you anymore.
To my parent, I'm sorry for not being your great daughter.
To my brother and lil bro, I'm sorry I can't be your good sister, don't make me your role model.
To my grandma, I'm sorry I can't be your favourite grandchild.

because after all, I'm the bad ones in this story.


It’s 6 hours journey from Kota Tinggi to Kuala Lumpur. We arrived at TBS at 4am-ish. So we decided to take a quick sleep to boost up our energy for that day. Next, we went to Surau to perform our Subuh prayer. Orang ramai takyah citer lah. The surau was so packed with people. Luckily Muz and I got our spot. After that we went to get our breakfast. We waited until 7am-ish. Next, we bought our ticket straight away to avoid any unwanted incident during the last day. After that we called our uber. First time uolls guna uber. The service is quite nice compared to taxi. Moreover, it is Nissan Almera’s car. Jaw-dropped terus hahah. Such a comfortable ride going to UniKL BMI (British Malaysian Institute). Actually BMI was too close with UIA. I planned to meet Anis but the timing don’t let me meet Anis. So close yet so far. It’s been a year since we’d met. I’ll try again later to meet her. I miss her so much mann.. Damn.

We’re the first one to arrive. So early meh. Then we got this crazy idea. Our classmate, Khalish stay at KL. After 30 minutes negotiate with him, we decided to meet up at MidValley. We arrived first, Khalish said he got some small problem with the LRT delay. So Muz and I took a walk around MidValley. Talking about financially stable... I bought Muji’s notebook and lipstick. Lulz. We waited for Khalish at 4 fingers. We’re about to leave when Khalish arrived. Poor little boy hahah. We managed to take pictures with him and waited for him. Then we’d to leave because the event is about to start. Grand entrance uolls haha the event already started. Oh the event’s name is TOT WOW-C 17 (Training of Trainee Welcoming Orientation Week Crew 2017) (for those who want to be fasi, you must joined this program first). (semangat itu penting ye anak2 for this type of event, rasa malu kena buang jauh ke dalam laut).

We proceed with team’s leader. I was in the same group with Tun whose Mimet’s student too but I never realized his existence so basically I’m all alone. (Had to separate with Muzzy muzzy hmm). There’re various student from unikl in our group. Our group’s name is Bumblebee. Later that evening, we’re having ice breaking session. We had to prepare our long-chant and short chant, team’s flag and song. It was a chaos session because of the time limit. Our flag had a bee on it. Our team’s song is Madu di tangan kanan and racun di tangan kiri song. When the presentation part, our team messed up as saka salah sebut.. Instead of Bumblebee, he mentioned about Kasturi. Celah mana kasturi taktau. Hahah. Posing semua dah lawa tapi ttiba datang kasturi. Saka gonna live by the name kasturi for 3 days. Poor him.  Later that night, we proceed with the orientation modules. It’s all about mental booster. Haih so lucky this year intake... During my time, the orientation is all about ragging. Bad luck. Haha but it’s okay.


Second day,
I don’t know how to feel about their shower. As I turn on the shower and the water reach my skin... It was hell on earth. It felt like my body was lift to the heaven. Sejuk nak matey nokrom. How on earth the student here take a bath during finals. Not forgetting the height of the sink. The sink is at the level of my chest. I brush my teeth sambil jengkek kaki. This experienced make me insof sebab kutuk uni sendiri. That morning, we’d zumba and I messed up the step 99% including doing poker face because I don’t how they do the step. For the whole day we’d group activities and sharing ideas with different campuses. Alhamdulilah. My group was quite sporting and I’m comfortable with them. All of them had their own experience handling WOW’s event and there’s me and Tun not knowing anything and tried to learn. Tun was quite hyper too. 

greetings from mimet (akmal,aqim,tun,biqi)

The next day, (as usual, gotta face the water from Antarctica in the morning ). That day was filled with the modules. To avoid all of us suffering from sleepiness and bored virus... The management held bom kalabom’s game where we’d to attack other’s team sambil point fingers at them. Our group won 2 times and lost at last because of the miscommunications but it’s okay.#sayangteam #soproudofmyteam We’d a lot of fun times together. That night, we’d learnt about doing CPR and saving people from choking. Tetiba teringat, during my form 2, I went to PBSM’s camp and we’d to do cpr at the doll.. kt mulut dia okay. Sakit beno dada time tu because we’d to make sure his tummy gerak (means udara kita sampai kt perut dia lah). We gotta do it to get our certificate. (I didn’t get mine lol ; failed)

The last day was a quite sad. Saying goodbye to my new friend wishing we’ll meet them again soon. We took our picture together. Doing boomerang together. Sharing the hamper. Missing you guys. Hoping to meet you guys again later! (yen, iemran, min, saka, sha, mus'ab, ifah, alif, ridzwan, una, paq, bai, syida, amirul,kila, sha, que)

ootd sekali nokss

tun and yen (team's leader)

tun again -_-

ifah and min


Muz, Cikman and I reached at TBS at 7pm-ish. Muz’s bus is at 9.45pm while mine is at 10.45pm so I asked Pael to accompany me. Lucky he said yes. (Happy tears falling from my eyes). After Muz’s left, Pael went to KFC as he’s hungry and I waited for him. Sweet tak sweet baq hang dia tolong suap aku makan. My tummy already full with 2 plates of passemboq (lagi satu muz tak habiskan so her beloved roommate tolong habiskan) (bff goals checked). Dia suap aku smpai aku surrender. During the waiting hour, he will make an effort to make me forget about the time but sorry baby. I miss home. He helped me carrying my bag that have the same weight as the baby elephant. Thank you baby. (Happy tears falling again).

I slept throughout the journey... Waiting patiently to arrive Perlis. I miss my parent.