12 May 2016

Well, My Fault


Don't let them heard.
hm not fault in our star lah (k awal2 lagi dah hambar aku)

It's 4.53pm now and I swear to God today is exhausting for my classmate and me. We'd Mimet's Open Day today and we joined word war. It's a game that held by sem 2's student. Each team has 5 teammates and each one of us have to take one letter to complete a word. Sementara duk mencari tu, ada la belon air berterbangan di udara. Lucky my shirt was clean until the end of the game.. unlike the orientation week. My favorite can't be save as dah kotor kena color sobs sobs. We've so much fun and we got 2 hamper yay! After that, we took a walk around library's compound.. until I saw him. yep. kokoci.

This is what happened last night, I was in kafe finishing our ship's model that have been rejected because of the wrong scale that we used. I was so exhausted and all I need is someone who really cares about me. But then, something that I don't want to mention happened. I should realized this earlier, no one wants me eventually. What makes me more sad is.. he's so paiq's type. Caring, pickupline, smart and love to talk to me. Yep, I lost this type of people twice. Well, my mistakes. Shouldn't over-reacting that much. I should appreciate people more. I should care about other 's feelings too. I should.. I should.. really.. I regret it.

That moment when he said sorry I can't continue this things.. I just replied it with 'oh'. Then I dissapear. Like I always said, I stopped existing as soon as you left. No need to explain anymore. I just left without any last words. Just take that oh -_-. You know that feeling when you want to cry so hard but you can't because your classmate were there. It was freaking 1am +. I was tired physically and mentally and then this happened.. My chest was hurt, my eyes felt like burning because I'm holding my tears.. I continued my work cleaning the foam and so on.. I laughed with them, I talked.. said funny things and so on.. but no one knew I was in pain. I feel alone in a room that full of people.

The next morning I woke up, I used to spam him to wake him up for Subuh but .. I can't do that today and tomorrow and so on. Like I used to do when I'm sad.. I punched something that will hurt me so I can forget about things that hurt me.. yep I did and that hurt like a motherf haaa (aku buat aku yang maki sakit bebeno) Honestly, the moment when he said that sentence, I archieve his messages. I don't read his last messages. Otherwise... nope. It'll not happened again.  I knew, there's a lot of better things coming to me in the future but it always takes time to move on. Don't cry over people. Well at least I don't lost anything.. he lost me (haa cenggitu)  But everytime I'm thinking of him, I'll hate myself. I hate me, for taking people for granted. Sorry.

My throat and head are hurts right now. A week before final.. please I don't want to get sick. But what can't I do. I lost my appetite, mood and smile on my face today. All I want to do is laying on my bed and hear some song. That won't hurt me like he did. We can just be friend. Yep if I don't like you this much, bukan takat friend.ko datang lepak bilik aku pun tak kisah. Once you love that person and pour your heart out onto him.. this friend thing won't work. So I walk away...away from him so he can live his life to the fullest while me.. try to find a way to deal with this. He can but I can't.  So I was in my room, try to get my inner peace... then pityhati called.. haha I was annoyed at first but the he asked about his phone's casing. (he asked me to design the case....) I said I was busy lately.. but then he said something that my ear can't catch it.. so he mention one by one and aku pun ikut la dia cakap apa.. macam budak tadika pun ada. haha

so yep, for those who're reading this.. don't be stupid like me. Losing people twice lol should write that as an achievement. Tahniah deno, you lose 2 people. TAHNIAH :) okay my neck and back are hurt right now so I'm gonna leave all of this here heh.  See you soon.. or sooner whatever bye.

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