5 Feb 2016

The Un-Send Text


I hope I do have guts to send you this post's link :S

I know you still hate me till today and in the future.. I guess
But anyways, Happy Birthday to you. Finally you're 17 years old, where's my 15 years old syz that I've met before go? lol just kidding of course he grew up now. Last 5 months I was planning to send you a birthday text when the 00.00 strikes and thinking about giving you a gift but nah .. I fcked up. I thought we could be friend till forever but we couldn't make it. I'm having a hard times trying to adapt new situation. You're gone now so what I'm supposed to do? I lost a friend. To you, it's just me being over-dramatic whatsover. I can be the first one to text you but I think I'd enough. I don't feel appreciated by you. It's more like I'm the one who syok sendiri and you just.. okay layan ja la dia ni. I'm sorry if I was wrong in this but this is how I felt towards you, and you never have that commitment and time to explain the truth. So I left.
In life you'll realize there's a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
I'm sorry for not sending any text to you on this day because I'm busy pretending being busy to make me forget about today is your birthday and maybe I'll post a picture of you with your friends in my instagram on 11.59am. ((I promise I'll edit it so it doesn't look like you and people will ignore it)) I'm expecting your 'girlfriend' will do a special things to you better than I could.. lol whatever. So Happy Birthday. I hope you'll have a blast day today with awesome people and have fun because I'm no longer exist in your life yey. ((It might be a good news to you and for me, I'll ended up having major mental breakdown here @ Lumut, Perak)) Take a good care of yourself and your study. Study smart so you can get a straight A in SPM and pursue your study at overseas. Physically, maybe I'll act like I don't care about you anymore but spiritually, I always include you name.. and of course your friends too in my Du'a. I pray for your good health and hoping you'll never find a friend like me anymore, God will help you meeting a better person than me. hm lagi apa eh em, oh whatever competition that you get yourself into.. I hope you'll win and share the gifts with you loved ones... I know you kedekut, so just share lol. ((idk what to wish anymore because my weak soul start to take over myself by crying..and I'm still okay))

Personally, being 17 last year taught me to not trust people easily and spend a lot more of quality time with your friends because I can feel the regret now. Just tell them how grateful you're to have them in your life and try to make a lot of memories with 'em.  I'm sorry I just realised that I take you for granted, I never do the things that I state up there to you and now you're gone. so so sorry hm . You have to face spm this year, all I can say is.. starts now. Whatever subject you take.. just start doing revision right now. I start a little late and look.. fcking 4A and luckily I got the upu but I choose unikl huhu. Don't forget to saving up your money. Start early. The earlier the better. Try to improve your sec language yakni Bahasa Inggeris.. just try speaking with Meman ka amri.. nandos or ikut suka.. it might be helpful in the future. Don't postpone everythings, kalau ada homework, settle cepat2. I ended up being depressed because I couldn't finish my addmath's hw and it feels terrible. Deep down in my heart you're still my friend, and I don't want my friend to get hurt just like I used to.

Okay I think this is enough, I'm not expecting you to read this long paragraphs but if you did. Thank you :(( Sorry for the things that I said last year ..hurting you .. a little bit (( or much idk)) This is 'scheldule' post. It means I don't type this on 5th february..

Today is 31st December 2015 and I'm hoping to get a last text from you so we can try to be friend again in 2016 but I guess it will not happening like yo who am I to you? krik krik krik but ya I just redho je la. hm padan muka aku.
Bye.
Life is going to get hard sometimes. Get up. You're either an ocean or a puddle. Don't be a puddle. People walk through puddles like they're nothing. Oceans destroyed cities. Choose wisely.
Deanna.
31st December 2015,

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