Keep Going

Hi heyyo

hm I was sad.. again last few days ago. Somehow someone from my past is haunting me again. I keep questioning myself whether am I too easy for everyone? When they're not in the mood, they left but if they felt alone, they find me. To be honest, I'm so sick with these type of people. Personally I want to be someone's favourite, not like bf gf thingy but as friends. Friends that not take me for granted. Since everyone left, I only keep in touch with meman. If I got any lame jokes or fire-ry pickup lines, I'll ws him instead and watch him upset about himself because he just got fooled by me and that's funny. Everytime I'm trying to be a good friend by praising him something, he'll get sad because he thought I was being ,mean to him. ((this guys is confused as hell))

hm so 2 days ago, that guy (not mems) sent me messages. Deep in my heart, I try to reply but.. thinking what he already did to me makes me mad and sad at the same time. If I reply, things will be like the old times.. but I can't deal with this anymore. I want to show people that I've feelings too. If you lose me, I'll be gone forever. People around me keep advicing me to let go and move on. Never have high hopes on anyone. Don't let myself get fooled twice by the same people. Open new books, new adventure. Yea I'm grateful for everything that I have right now and never mourn about things that I'd lost in the past. Of course I must be grateful, bak kata sufi.. dapat kawan yang hensem pun takpe. hahah yea he's handsome and know how to treat people nicely and not replying 'lol'. I appreciate that because I hate that 'lol' words.

I hope everyone in my past understand, yep many people nowdays are prettier than me, knows how to treat people well but they're not me. Deanna. There's only one me in this world and no one could be me. That's the fact boo. omg diva uolls statement aku hahah. You may called me arrogant for acting up but you don't know how I feels last year. I almost hit the ground but he's nowhere to be found. Friends will always be there for us right? because I did. If only you know how I waited for one day for you to message me on 31st Dec, the only day we can figure things out and try again this year but probaly you're having fun with someone better than me. haih. I've reach this far and I'll keep walking, no one will catch me because they're busy to care. Sometimes I re-read our old conversation and I noticed that I should left you earlier. You're not interesting at all to have a conversation with me and you'll ended up with bye. I'm glad that 'okay' is my last text to you. I feel better right now.

I hope after this people will appreciate me more before I give up on them and dissapear forever. What's the point having a friend who makes you sad and hate youself, you must left that people. They're not worth your time. Thank you for teaching me how to keep going without you in my life. All I want from you since the day we've issues is to understand. Understand me. but you don't. Okay. I got it, I can't force someone to understand.

If only you know,
We might not ended up like this.
Sometimes a part of you have to die in the fire, so that a new and stronger you can arise from the ashes