Quick Update

wow it's been a long time since I update this blog haha sorry guys I'm busy handling life (cewah). Past 2 weeks were hectic with assignments and tests.. feel like dying even though it is semester 2 huwarghh every subject is stepping up their game and it is my responsibilities to understand all of it and repeating the subject on next semester is not an option. So, I'm on semester break right now and it will end tomorrow. haih time flies so fast T_T dah la on Monday I've workshop and Tech Math's class huhu. I'll use my free time in future to update more because right now I've a lot of work to settle so here's what happens for past weeks. 

1. Finally I got the IPhone
Remember the wishlist that I did? IPhone is one of it haha. My samsung s3's screen cracked very badly that the screen shut down and I can't do anything except sending it to the repair shop but repairing may cost me a lot so better buy a new phone as this samsung started to lag. My mum asked me about the new phone and without tripin' any words with full boost confidence I said IPhone. Most of my friends around me using that model and here I am with the android on ma face. At first I want to buy that SE one but the price tho.. so I pick 5S. I'm not a fan of model 6 or 7S because of the screen is too big like samsung. I prefer the smaller phone. So yeah. hidup iphone haha

2. Friday/ Sunday is Pael's day
My man started to be clingy right now and I've new nickname, demok and nyot. Fine, I don't ask to have this type of body and I'm working out right now to get rid of this unwanted fat blerghh. We used to lepak at Marina or just hanging out in the car.. talking about how's our day going and so on. We don't meet every day even though we're in the same uni haha call pun jarang.. depend on how busy we are that day. I like how both of us trying to understand each other so none of us started merajuk whatsover. As a great girlfriend, I don't remember when we first me and so on .. maybe I'll start to care about our date right now hm

3. Hiking
I don't know what happened to me so my roomate started to invite me to join the club's activity. First, I went to Broga's hills (will update on this) with SRM's club and then Gunung Baling with RECOM's club. The bright side is I managed to reach the top eventhough I'm half dead half alive. My fitness level is so embarrassing compared to the others participants that Akim and Zharif had to carry my bag so I can continue the journey. (forever rasa bersalah on this one) But at Gunung Baling I managed to reach at the top with my bag at the back.. not on other's back :) 
so yeah i will update more about the hiking in the future hehe see ya later~

september already??

So it's already September. El's month. His birthday is on 17th Sept. Am not planning giving any gifts to him because my existence is already a gift for him :-) ahaha kkdak just kidding. He's being busy lately with work and so on and here am I .. questioning myself every ten minutes about what should I do to fill this day. He's too busy and I'm too free. That's the problem and luckily he know how to solve it and that's nice and I'm impressed with him. heheh so.. what did I do? I'm finishing all of my sketches and decorating my new journal and hey it look bombastic okay! [ praising myself because I love myself hah! ] Oh and I created years in pixels, I saw that on pinterest and decided to give it a try. ya years in pixels... but I started on September which is 3 months away from 2017... so can I call it 4 months in pixels? ok that's not funny at all. getting so much hambar these days.

I'd this game app name townsips and too bad guys.. I'm super addicted to it. I already at level 28. 2 level in a months was a disaster. 15k points in just 3 days. I need to stop this obsession before it will getting worse. Apart from that, I want to say goodluck to my fellow friends who's pursuing their degree in their favourite course. Goodluck Saiyidah at UPSI and Aina at UMK, do well in your studies and make everyone proud because you're good at it since the first day I knew you. So I'll enter semester 2's life this 24th September and I hope it will be good in every aspects. My results for short semester was great than I expected. k nah I target 4.0 but pengajian Malaysia I got A-. It ruined everything but it's okay, still worth my effort.

I will start my diet plan next semester. That's my promises. It's been day 18 for my workout plan. My leg were getting smaller than before but my stomach still maintain. So I texted iem and all he could said was.. 'ko kena diet sayang'. hahah my weak ass heart can't hold my appetite and iced milo. help!! But I put 100% trust to muz and she'll stop me from put my hand on these thing that can make my tummy bloated. How can I wear kebaya if my tummy look like a 5 months pregnant woman. hell nah. gonna write down my new goals in my journal later. ..

till the next post hehe see ya


Hello y'all

Finally I got the chance and mood that I needed to update my blog and here I am. It was a hectic short semester and I'm at home now which is great... so great that I don't have to spend my money on food or everything as I've my parent here. So.. it happened again.. your favorite girl was doing the same mistake like she did couple of months ago. Falling in love with two guys. After being pushed by ain, Muz and dila. Yep, I called it off with saiful. Did I feel sad? a little bit but Ain said that I don't look like someone who just got break with her partner because I'm doing extra fine. So I decided to keep going with el. ha tudia playgirl baq hang hahaha okay let me tell you short briefing about him. He's in the same batch with me, January 2016 intake and he take dip in ship construction. He's 22. Older than the rest but it's okay. Age doesn't matter. cewah kahkahkah boleh pi sajaa. The first time when I saw him was at open day when my classmate and I just finished playing word war where we had to throw water balloon to the opponent's team. He came and chilled with us and we took a picture together. (gambar ramai2) . He's like shadow, not showing his face too much which is great that I don't have to worry about another btch try to steal him from me. Its all started at 4am. I was awake when I noticed my phone buzzin. I got a dm from him so I was bored and just layan him anyway. He told me that he was bored as his roommate, Imer was on the phone with his gf so okay I got it. Then we become so much closer and his pick up lines are on point and his english is superb! wow that such a  turn on. My poor little heart are so weak ass. huh

So that's all I can tell about him hiks. Throughout this short semester, we did so much random things like playing badminton until 6am (3-6 we started to sit and gossipping), jogging at 7am with din and helmien (whutttttt), playing basketball with cikman (aku baling satu pun tknak masuk jaring), the prank call which I was the victim eghh, went to ipoh, boat trip (rm5 meh) and so on. It was quite fun. Oh and about the prank, luckily I'm not the one who answered the phone call. I went to the toilet at that time, Ain told me that the office called and told about my MARA submission. I went to check but it seems fine, nothing's wrong as I already follow the procedure and then Ain added. 'by the way before he ended the called, he said terima kasih dynowanted' and I was like.. fufufuk how the fk they'd knew my username? then I tweeted about it and ciciko liked my tweets. I knew who the prankster, It was him fgs. I'm gonna scream his name from the top of my lung ugh as its been forever since the last time I keep in touch with him. rindu aku lettew hiks. okay his gf gonna find me and slit my throat. k forget about it. oh and arep treat me milo ais last week which is great and funny at the same time. Befire he went out from the care. I asked him, 'hey ikhlas ka dak belanja milo ais ni' and he answered, 'the question is too universal, I don't have specific answer, please don't ask again' hahaha bongok la dengan blur2 alam dia. Thanks arep muah ciqed.

hahh I wish I can update more about what happened to me in life but I got things to do :(

see you in the next post :)

p/s: I already planned new art project. watch out.

Barli Ice Moment


8th July 2016

It was 12pm ish when Aiman (my primary school's mate) texted me asking me to hang out with them (Fyka and Tihah ). Throughout the raya season I was staying at home washing the dishes (still not complaining on twitter ) and house chores. So I said yes! I asked my mom and I was scared to death whether she said no but nah.. she said yes so  I wore baju kurung and black shawl. Fyka invited us to go beraya at her friend's house at Kodiang area. Aiman was the driver so yep, we followed the waze app. It turned out it shows the wrong directions. After 1 hour in the car, Aiman decided to stop the car. Situ tanah lapang ada some kedai kecil2 gitu. So all of us got out from the car and playing tourist -_- Aiman took out his gopro while Tihah got her hand on her Canon and Fika with her Iphone. Me? I took Aiman's iphone and act like it was mine. His phone's gallery are full with my selfies heh. So we did some mini photoshoot and these muka tebal don't care whether there were people watching or not.

After that, we decided to tried once again to find Amni (Fyka's friend) 's house. yep, we lost. 3 freaking hours in the car. All of us were hungry and tired. 6.30pm + baru jumpa her house. Tu pun dia datang tolong guide us.  It was a new experience for us. Sesat at Kodiang area for 3 hours haha lol. Amni's grandparents greeted us. We ate kuih raya and bihun sup. Muka masing-masing kontrol ja makan padahal dah kebulur nak mampus. We decided to undur diri at 7.15pm; But before that, of course it was photoshoot session. Habis hipstur dah hakak. While on the way home, Aiman saw this one great scenery .. so he stopped the car and gave us the chance to have another photoshoot session hahahaha ( life hacks: find a friend who sanggup stopped the car just for you to tangkap gambar) We tried to make this session short as possible because it was almost maghrib. I got home at 7.35pm and phew my mom don't said anything.

Then I realized that my phone's battery was low so I went to my room to charge it and dangg.. I dropped my phone and the screen decided to shut down. It was heartbreaking, remembering those bomb selfies that I tak sempat save huwaaaa Of course my parent gave free lectures to me that night, lucky this tablet that Ain gave me is still usable. My mom decided to give me her old s3 which is my adik's now. So yep :') I lost all the contacts. ha ha ha padan muke. 

10th July 2016
Dah kena balik uni. Our journey began at 7am. Traffic were a bit slow. We arrived at 2pm+. Bye2 guys :( My mom gave a lot of kuih raya aand I don't know whether I can finished it or nah. hm  I felt like there's only me in the armada, it was creepy for sure. So, I just organized my room as Muz tak sampai lagi. She will arrive this Subuh I guess. I got this one bad habit, I always misplaced things.. my glasses, keys, phone and everything. .. so I lost my padlocks :') I'd searched everywhere and I didn't found it haih. ntah nanti suami pun boleh hilang blergh.

add my snapchat : DynoWanted
so my healthy lifestyle began today. I did some hardcore exercise and already semput now. shame on you deno. Later that night, Iem invited me to eat with sam and him. When they saw me, the first things that spilled from their mouth were, 'wey awat nampak berisi'. fakof la gais t.t. Those cheeks is the main focus. aaaa my poor soul can't handle this madness. Iem gave me a lot of healthy tips for me today. Thank you iem!! He's fasting today so we waited for azan. I ordered fried kotiau (amboih english hahahah) and milo ais + ais kosong (still wondering how my stomach got this big).  When my order arrived, I took a sip of milo ais and somehow he accidentally drank his barli ice. I felt so guilty but funny at the same time. bongok la iem.

It was quite fun to hang out with them because before this I'm suspecting them doing this dirt work I mean.. doing some kedekut ilmu behaviour but nah, it just the satan in me. sorry mates.

btw this evening, arep texted me omg aa. I lost his number and I'm not doing anything to get his number back but somehow he texted me first wishing me selamat hari raya aand sampai la melalut ke cinderella. I'm hoping that he was boring and no hard feelings.  Amin .

It's almost 11pm now and I'm here alone in my room. weh mana yana,. Better dia sampai cepat or I'll slept at the center of armada :')

New Resolution: Flat my stomach

Hai guys!!

Btw first of all, Happy Birthday to my friend, Saiyidah. Happy 19 years old mate!!

I'm back

lol no one cares but I'm at home right now and 2 more days till Raya. 2 weeks ago I'd registered into hostel. New wing (B), new room but same roomate, muzkhalifa and yana is staying in room in front of us. It's Ramadhan, first experience for us to fast together without our family. Preparing sahur together and hunting food for ifthoor together which is we always went to restaurant beside our uni. (riak takmau makan kat kafe / surau punya pasal haha kkdak )We woke up at 5am, usually Muz will wake up first due to my loud and annoying alarm ( the owner still can sleep in peace and will complain about how she can't hear the alarm the next morning) Oh and there's one day that Yana, Muz and I terrified for the rest of our life. We went to the restaurant beside our uni and at 7.50pm something, we went back to our uni. On the way back, there's this one dog that acted really stranged. We supposed to enter the uni using pagar belakang but somehow there're two dogs so we decided to use the main entrance and .... THAT DOG WAS FOLLOWING US UNTIL WE ENTER THE UNI. The pak gads tried to halau that dog away but he seems not cared at all. (attew pak gads haha) so we took jalan jauh to our armada and.. that dog was waiting for us at armada. All of us started to sweat heavily and that seram sejuk feels were real. Somehow we managed to enter our armada.. I told 'em.. whatever happened, hampa lari dulu takpa aku stay belakang sekali..lagi berapa centimeter nak sampai pintu.. cm okayy!! suddenly there's a loud barked beside us.. and guess who ran first? .. me. Tertonjol habis sia bakat atlet pecut olahraga hahah tunggu member lari dulu konon ( pls don't trust me in this situation) Memang hempas pintu armada. All of us were traumatized that I'd to call Ain hahahhah. Idk whether to laugh or terrified that night. My legs were giving up already to walk smh hahah.

Later that morning at 3am, Muz told me that cikman invited us to sahur together. There're Acai (the driver), Din and 3 of us. Both of us just wore our pyjamas and pls guys, the day you wore the ugly outfit is the day where you met your crush. It was Mirul's friend who treat us the other day. (you can find about him under this perenggan). It was great morning with them. Cikman was making jokes by speaking in Korean which is the most ew things in my life. Anyeong haseyo bagai hahah oh pls. (not so into Korean but if 'he' is handsome/classy, I'll layan the drama) . We went back to our uni at 5am. Luckily our class start at 2pm so we can replace our sleepless night.

Our first class went well, our lecturer are good and have such a good sense of humour and there is one lecturer which Muz and I went completely crazy about. So our pengajian Islam class start at 8pm which is not suitable for us because we need to break fast and pray. In the end, we both arrived at his class at 8.25pm. In our head, the lecturer must be old and you know, like other typical lecturer.. somehow when Muz opened that door. Bang!! 'MasyaAllah handsomenya lecturer aku.' Muz and I were embarassed and just closed the door, acting nothing happened. At first we thought we were in the wrong class but then I saw Iem and the others. Guys, I can ace my pengajian Islam result this short semester.. even untill last semester if all the lecturer are like this. sejuk mata memandang. His class ended at 11.30pm. Kalau hensem gini, dia sambung kelas sampai sahur esok sis tak kisah haha Omg My poor and shameless heart. He's 26 years old and spent 5 years at Mesir. Omg he's absolutely bae to Muz and I okay!! and he's on his way to finish his master already and have twin brother that look alike him. He read those hadis like Abc ja gais, hafal siap tanda baca on point! Can't believe this type of guy exist. Gonna try to teach myself to behave from this now on. ( #takikhlasbetulgaya )

Ain and Adila were at Perak in the same week so I was helping them to move in into their new rent house.(selang sebuah ja dari rumah lama lol) . We're having dinner together for 2 days and guess what.. dua2 dinner orang belanje hiks. First dinner, Ain's bf, Mirul paid for the food and the next day.. Mirul's friend paid for it. Before that, I keep nagging to them about having no one to talk to (my bf is working overtime lately) and then mirul suggested his friend. Turn out he's a little bit fine.. we hate the same person which is absolutely perfect........ ...... ok forget about that. He belanja all of us ok that's the important things! dah la semua makan western pegh. Arep is MCW for sure (Don't tell pon about this).  After Ain and Dila went home, Muz and I are playing Saidina with cikman oppa (don't ask me why there's oppa behind his name) . We played untill one of us went broke.. and the winner is always him. Pernah keja kat casino katanya hahah roll dice. We were in the same class for this short semester which is great because he always making those jokes that make people laugh. Muz and I are planning to play badminton every night because of boredom. We have 3 subjects only and we have a lot of free time so we choose to play badminton. Try to live in healthy life.

Speaking about healthy.... my whole planned didn't workout okay!!?! no it's not okay.. can you imagine I just ate 1 foldover, french fries and ... 17 pieces of mcnuggets! Everyone just asked me whether I'd any 'saka' or what that I managed to put all that in my stomach. The result is.. 56.2kg. The numbers is not terrible like it was but.. my hand, leg are all okay but my stomach.. it look like I'm pregnant for 5 months. Pon asked whether it is boy or girl and I said.. it's not the baby in my stomach but penyesalan yang tiada guna huhuhu. But it's alright, I got this.. already downloaded a fitness app. Download ja baru buat dak pun natiang hahah 'Deno' . Ok new resolution, flat my abs. * tear in my eyes * sobs sobs

To the new resolution!! Hope deno can do this successfully hiyarghh!

Happy Birthday!!

Hey y'all

Ok my birthday is 2 days ago and yep I felt bad because I don't post any post on that day. So let me tell what happened on 11th June 2016. I hide my birthday on my facebook so I don't expect people to wish my birthday on that day. But heyy there's someone wish me at 12am and that person is Anis Farhana! you're my mate forever bro *bro fist*. So here's the people who wished me. hehe thank you guys, it means A LOT for me.

ok y'all can call me denoriana from now on



oK first of all I didn't expect kak oya to wish but hey it happened, thank you *teary eyes* so right. I'm now 19. Can you believe that? I feel like I was 14 yesterday and now.. one more year to reach 2 series age -_- [ tbh I don't like it, being adult is so hard, I'm not ready yet pls ] But we've to move forward aite in life. 

My 19 years old life will be full of mistakes and I like it that way. From now on I should 100% focus on developing myself and stop chasing people. If they want to leave, just let them go. Its their choice. Respect that. I'm so grateful to be surround with great friends and people who appreciate me. A year ago I would die for people but now, most of them are dead to me. I know my worth and ffs I don't live to please people. Nope. Don't do that. You'll ended up losing yourself. 

Being 19 to me is to learn to be more responsible towards myself and people surround me and respect people more. Now, I'm good at not caring what others doing as long as it didn't affect my performance in study. Other than that I'm good. 

My mom bought a large cheesecake for me and that's heaven. The taste of the cheese. fuhh. sorry if you read this during daytime heh. Overall I'm happy. Happy being me. Happy for what had happened in my life. Happy with everything. But no so happy when I'm thinking about my result and going back to Mimet for short sem. But hey, Mukhriz is already there until 1 july. [ at least I've a good friend there ] I'm looking forward to see him this 18th June. See you there mukh.

Anyways, thank you y'all for wishing my birthday. May God bless all of you guys. Till we meet again. Byee.


It's June already!! (my favourite month tbh)

It's been  4 days since I got back from uni and sadly.. I don't even do anything. yep, wasting my golden times by scrolling twitter, Instagram and watching youtube :) Truly upset with myself. One more thing that super annoyed me is.. I can't stop myself from eating all the whole damn time.. I can't control my hunger and the result is.. my body is gaining weight terribly ugh. I'm so annoyed that I don't have the guts to step on the weight scale. ( acey padahal takut mati terkejut tengok the number that will show up haha) Apart from that, my finance also in the red flag zone. The planned that I did in the 2015 is a disaster because I don't follow the rules, I spent like a bitch on food like waddup !! and now I'm broke. Can I get featured in Bersamamu already with this story? like guys.. I'm broke?? please?? kk just kidding. Life serve me right wuu. My social life? ha ha I only have my friends and love?? ok guys I will write the truth.. *inhales*... *exhale* fuhh.. It's true guys, I don't move on .. yet. shame on me right? yea I feel that harghhh My life is a disaster that I want to cry hard as I can huwaa.

    Next time if you're stressed. take a step back, inhale and laugh. Remember who you are and why you're here. You never given anything in this world that you can't handle. Be strong, be flexible. love yourself and love others. Always remember, Just keep moving forward.

 ha ha ha *deno is laughing like she already lost her minds over little things* It's already 1/2 year and I've to rearrange my life back. Its a must! 5 more days till fasting month and I'm so excited! Fasting means you can help your body to lose weight.. in proper ways of course. I'll train my myself to not over-eating and eats properly. No junk food and drink mineral water only (okay plus milo) *cross fingers* I promise to myself that I'll spend my money wisely and keep in track where my money goes huhu.

No doubt, I can make it this time hiyargh *tumbukan ke udara* , Okay that move on things.. I think I'm gonna write again on wattpadd. It's been a long time I don't spill my thoughts on paper, it'll be interesting this time I guess.. eeek . Oh and I want to start painting again. I only have 9 hours credits for this short sem and that's a LOT of free time. I know I'll waste my time by stalking 'his' social media so I better things that can distract me from doing that blergh. This might sound crazy but his name always pop into my head like every day non-stop. Can you give me a break? like stop already .. I'm tired with this heartbroken thingy and everything else. ugh

okay okay chill fuhh .. take a deep breath.... fuhhh I almost lost my temper while searching my earphone just now,.. you know what it means? It means my hot tempered part in me 'bout to rise again. Pray to God that it's not terrible like the old days. Just smile and listen to Ariana's new album yehey. My favourite song in the track are Into You and Everyday, you guys should listen to it. This album is beyond good, I would recommend this hiks.

I guess I should leave now,
have a great day guys <3


Okay, it's so awkward. Okay lets go straight to the point.
Happy Birthday to you. Have a great day today and celebrate it with your love ones . (I knew I'm in your hate list). Goodluck for your finals and intra. I heard that your final year project got into final, congrats :) I knew you can make it.

Here's my wish for you.

I pray that
-You are always in good health and be happy with your decision that you chose.
-Meet someone that can make you feels better and giving you strength after your family, so sad that I couldn't make it.
-Reaching the goals that you already planned, I knew you're not in 'giving-up' type.
-You'll get hit by a truck, by that I mean you turn into a handsome guy (if that  happens, all I ask is, just don't show up in front of me or I'll ended up jumping off building because I knew I can't get you) 
-Someone will give you a lot of gundam figure.. (after I nailed my phD in the future I probably spam your house with that toy until your wife and you get annoyed with me.)

I'm sorry for my bad attitude towards you in the past. Sorry for over-reacting post in this blog (please don't read it) (But if you read it, just so you know I'm honest while typing that stuff hm) I hope you like the gift that I did for you, I hope ciciko don't spoil it ugh. (I said this because this is schedule's post, I typed this on 16th May, I don't have any idea what will happen on 27th May) It's raining right now. Cold like our heart... or just mine lol.

I don't know what to say anymore, and now I'm regret for not asking about you more before all this things happened.. heh, it shouldn't be like this. Maybe it should. Oh great, sad song shuffle in my playlist. um do you still read it? or you already hit that close tab button. I know you're a straight person and I can't do anything. Ciciko was right, I can't push someone's heart to like me. hm finally ciciko said something that relevant to me [ selalu asyik hoi hoi ja ]

If I continue to write this post, I probably typing things that I shouldn't say.
Happy Birthday Zulfan, may Allah bless you with great people, good health, great future and so on.
Thank you for being a great person to me even for a short period only, I'm still grateful for that.
Keep climbing to achieve your mission in life, I'm always support you from far and if you need any help.. just like I always said.. 'paper rogerr.' Ok that's all. Goodbye.

And it still raining.

-Ok Zikri messed up the plan.. nice so I just wasted my time for nothing ha ha
-I messed up too.. I saw u just now ughhhhhh why can't I moved on already?!
- already clear out things with zikri so yup.. we're good now :) 

End of Semester 1

Did you hear that? yep that's is the sound of victory. I finished my last paper yesterday and it feels so good that we just poured our heart out to answer the question. Our hard work were paid off. Everyone left already.. they went back to their home and heyyy, there's me .. still waiting for Ain to finish her last paper tomorrow before I get back home. I miss my bed already. I miss Perlis (can't believe I said this because before I came here, I was so over the moon to left Perlis lel) . 80% done arranged my things. We've to clear out things aka kena kosongkan bilik.. next sem bilik baru.. just two of us. Muz and I. (poor Muz, she have to deal with my childish attitude for another 6 months).

So I was at library from 11am to 6pm, accompany Ain to study marine electro and somehow maba and another guy(twins) join us too. For the first time I saw his real him hahaha. That guy just walk in the library with no shoes on! selamba badak dia ja pegi kaunter minta print soalan dengan tak pakai kasut haihh. As you know I have this one problem which is .. scared. I mean this is serious type of scared to approach someone, maba gave me money to buy past year question.. memang tak ah, boleh mati terkejut aku nak cakap kt org kaunter tu, so I just passed it to ain. He asked me to follow ain to learn how to ask past year question lol please I knew all of that but Idl, I just scared to approach people.

Oh I met alang too at the library, macam besa muka gatal dia tu. then.. (*thinking what happened today*) I think.. that's all. It's a boring day today, I don't know what to do. I don't have any idea to draw or anything else. I just can't wait to get back home and mereput for 2 weeks before short sem begin. Speaking about short sem, my hubby si bad already divorced me so I'm with Khalish now and our mission is to overtake Muz and Pojan popularity, I'll update about this soon hahaha please vote for us. (actually nak hilangkan rasa bosan sebab tu mcm tak betul dah sekarang.. poor us) Haih so sleepy right now, till we meet again. bye bye ;)


craving for Ice-cream right now
Today's Teachers Day so Happy Teachers Day to my parent. Thank you for teaching me things that I need in life. Sorry mak abah, I don't want to be a teacher, as I grew up seeing what my parent do everyday and I feel that I'm not good enough to teach someone so I choose engineer instead. I used to write in my bio my ambition was a teacher and an architect lol. If I took architecture course right now, I already ripped off my head I think. [ Fun fact: I'm a hot-tempered person ]. Seeing my parent sleep late at night just to check their student's book and so on.. they deserve this kind of appreciation. Back in 2012 where my mum graduated from OUM, she taught me, never stop learning. Learn as long as you can. Don't be lazy a$$ mofo. My father already got his master. He taught me just do whatever you love. He keep doing his hobby eventhough his work as a teacher seems fag. Anyways, my parent is the best. Hands up. [ Proud daughter alert ]

I feel better right now. I just asked quick question to my friend last night, whether I should go for the one who love me so much or go for the guy that I like. "Go for the one who love you so much".  So yep, still going with the flow and hey it ain't bad. Yesterday was fun with my friends, having chit chat at kafe and spent time with Ain, Dila and Muz. Not forgetting helping Ain do a video for her competency English and there were so much bloopers. While Muz editting her video last night, I wrote new mission in my life right now [ the last one still legit, just addition ]. It is forget the past and accept the mistakes that I did. Too much perfection is not okay. There are a lot more for me to learn in my life. So just be happy with my friends, study and get that diploma together.

It's Hazwan's birthday yesterday. Oh God how much I miss that little rascal. Ada ja nak membahan aku. So I drew for him. It was a great feelings you know, it's been a long time I didn't draw. Busy... busy main fon hergh. So yep gonna restart my hobby back as doing that thing makes me forget about my problem and all I need to think is what colour do I need to use and the stress that I've to handle when the colours spoil everything.. oh and last night is the last match for this season. Thank you Tomas Rosicky for this amazing 10 years.. I can't stop my teary eyes when seeing Arteta's crying. They did so much thing in Arsenal and we (Gunners) are so thankful for that. We finished at 2nd place this season. It happened again hehe. See you again. And team Mercedes were crashing. Nico and Lewis :( Btw congrats to the winner.( Spanish GP. )

Right now I'm excited as my birthday is the same with EURO. Match France pulak tu woo woo. Lagi excited when my fav mate all the time remember my birthday! *tabur bunga* haih mood finals: ON. Gonna work smart to get that 4.0. Hopefully. All I want is too make my parent proud and I want them to know that I can do this engineering thingy. Too make sure every ringgit that spent on me are worth. So I won't let any ridiculous thing affect me. Gonna work my a$$ off to get that Ir. title. Tuddiaqqq tak salah berangan kahkah. Gonna turn into a gangster right now yeah. No one can put me down. Maybe I just too over-reacting these past days. [ Fun fact: I'm embarrassed ]. Oh oh I already watched that Angry Birds movie and that was so cute.. the baby birds, chuck, red, terrence and so on. I still hate that piggy since the first day I downloaded angry bird's app. A lot of funny scene, can't hold my ugly laugh when they sang to the legend as chuck's making opera voice. ops terspoiler pulak eheh sorry. Almost 10am right now and I didn't shower yet. So.. buhbye! xoxo muah ciked.


They asked me about you, what should I answer?
I miss you. That's what I want to say but I'm afraid that you'll scold me. What if I miss you? What should I do instead of hurting myself? It's not just ego but I.m trying to understand the situation. Trying to accept things that happened. Trying to adapt new environment. I saw you yesterday. But I pretend that you weren't there. My friends keep asking me, "what he did to you?" I said, "nothing haha," with the smile on my face. He broke my heart actually but let me keep that to myself only. Since the day he told me that, I train myself to control my breath, if not I'll end up having chest pain. I'm trying so hard not to cry but I went to toilet and cry. No way I'm gonna cry in front of my roomate. I don't want her to look at me as a weak person. But I can't help myself. The price that I've got to paid when loving someone too hard :)

Ain and Muz knew what happened. Dah nama pun bestfriend kan.. they sang tonne of heartbroken malay song for me horribly. I smiled all the way but only God knows how I want let my tears out that night hearing their horrible singing. I swear to God I don't want to see that face showing up in front of my face anymore. At this moment I knew, I'm that person who can't be loved. I hate when people being so care about me, asking me about my life, telling me what's right and which one is wrong, I love to spend my time alone and many more. I feel like I'm never gonna get married someday. What if my husband telling me the same things that he said to me? Who knows :) I lost trust to myself in this love thingy. I'm having hard times to appreciate people as no one appreciate me. When someone said that they love you, you must felt something that you can't explain right? but I feel nothing. But he's different. When I look at him, I feel like.. damn I want this guy in my life. But life hit my face instead.

People can just telling me how lazy and uninterested I'm in socializing these days, but they didn't know that I'm on my fcking knees right now and hoping that no one will lift me up. Let me get up by myself, stronger than ever. I'm the one who clean the dirt on my knees and wipe my own tears. But right now let me recover first. It ain't easy you know. Letting go someone who meant a world to you. I dreamed about him last night and I'd no idea what's going on. Maybe it's just satan trying to fck me up or there's something behind it. Go with the flow is the best choice for now. Gonna act like a gangster but deep down in my heart.. I was dying. Dying to be love by someone but nevermind. I don't want to pay for this again. Gonna work hard for my future and tell my parent, just let them find my future husband as their daughter is giving up about that. Why would you love someone if you're planning to leave them in the future lol such a waste of time and energy. My parent knows people well than me so I won't disagree with their opinion. I can't take care of myself. I always exposed myself to people and they got the chance to hurt me. hmm anyways, things already happened and I can't turn back time. Well that's okay. I hope I'm gonna make it in my life. Have fun with my friends. Put my heart in a jar and threw it away in the deep sea. Doing things that I love. Forget the pain that I had yesterday and so on. But still hoping that he'll come back to me or whatsoever.. I knew that's impossible but.. just saying lol.

Goddamn I miss you. Please come back soon.
I'm always waiting for you.

Well, My Fault

Don't let them heard.
hm not fault in our star lah (k awal2 lagi dah hambar aku)

It's 4.53pm now and I swear to God today is exhausting for my classmate and me. We'd Mimet's Open Day today and we joined word war. It's a game that held by sem 2's student. Each team has 5 teammates and each one of us have to take one letter to complete a word. Sementara duk mencari tu, ada la belon air berterbangan di udara. Lucky my shirt was clean until the end of the game.. unlike the orientation week. My favorite can't be save as dah kotor kena color sobs sobs. We've so much fun and we got 2 hamper yay! After that, we took a walk around library's compound.. until I saw him. yep. kokoci.

This is what happened last night, I was in kafe finishing our ship's model that have been rejected because of the wrong scale that we used. I was so exhausted and all I need is someone who really cares about me. But then, something that I don't want to mention happened. I should realized this earlier, no one wants me eventually. What makes me more sad is.. he's so paiq's type. Caring, pickupline, smart and love to talk to me. Yep, I lost this type of people twice. Well, my mistakes. Shouldn't over-reacting that much. I should appreciate people more. I should care about other 's feelings too. I should.. I should.. really.. I regret it.

That moment when he said sorry I can't continue this things.. I just replied it with 'oh'. Then I dissapear. Like I always said, I stopped existing as soon as you left. No need to explain anymore. I just left without any last words. Just take that oh -_-. You know that feeling when you want to cry so hard but you can't because your classmate were there. It was freaking 1am +. I was tired physically and mentally and then this happened.. My chest was hurt, my eyes felt like burning because I'm holding my tears.. I continued my work cleaning the foam and so on.. I laughed with them, I talked.. said funny things and so on.. but no one knew I was in pain. I feel alone in a room that full of people.

The next morning I woke up, I used to spam him to wake him up for Subuh but .. I can't do that today and tomorrow and so on. Like I used to do when I'm sad.. I punched something that will hurt me so I can forget about things that hurt me.. yep I did and that hurt like a motherf haaa (aku buat aku yang maki sakit bebeno) Honestly, the moment when he said that sentence, I archieve his messages. I don't read his last messages. Otherwise... nope. It'll not happened again.  I knew, there's a lot of better things coming to me in the future but it always takes time to move on. Don't cry over people. Well at least I don't lost anything.. he lost me (haa cenggitu)  But everytime I'm thinking of him, I'll hate myself. I hate me, for taking people for granted. Sorry.

My throat and head are hurts right now. A week before final.. please I don't want to get sick. But what can't I do. I lost my appetite, mood and smile on my face today. All I want to do is laying on my bed and hear some song. That won't hurt me like he did. We can just be friend. Yep if I don't like you this much, bukan takat friend.ko datang lepak bilik aku pun tak kisah. Once you love that person and pour your heart out onto him.. this friend thing won't work. So I walk away...away from him so he can live his life to the fullest while me.. try to find a way to deal with this. He can but I can't.  So I was in my room, try to get my inner peace... then pityhati called.. haha I was annoyed at first but the he asked about his phone's casing. (he asked me to design the case....) I said I was busy lately.. but then he said something that my ear can't catch it.. so he mention one by one and aku pun ikut la dia cakap apa.. macam budak tadika pun ada. haha

so yep, for those who're reading this.. don't be stupid like me. Losing people twice lol should write that as an achievement. Tahniah deno, you lose 2 people. TAHNIAH :) okay my neck and back are hurt right now so I'm gonna leave all of this here heh.  See you soon.. or sooner whatever bye.

Go with the flow

It's been a MONTH I didn't update my blog!! okk I feel really guilty on this. All I can say is.. it's been hectic days for me. I just finished Mandarin's test just now, but before that Mr Loi said that the test will be held at BK19.. the only problem that we had was.. where tf is BK19... aand it turns out BK19 is in the workshop. Memang rare pun jawab test dalam bengkel heh. I don't know what I'd written, guna konsep redho je la weh.

So guys.. actually.. my life dah change 360 degree tho.
Ok, firstly.. I gave that guy a nickname that's 'kokoci'. Yep, our friendship bloomed after I made a 'stupid joke' about I'm gonna leave him for kokoci.. yep.. he told kokoci about that. So Kokoci and I are whatsapping each other.. mcm member2 je la until he asked me about Rhino. Before that, he told about his 'dream' wife and so on and he asked me.. 'kalau aku bagi kau peluang try jadi calon bini aku nak?' and I was like whoaah whattt? so as you know I am a 'TROUBLEMAKER' and.. I accepted it. bodohnya seorang deno ni rupanya. So, he treat me like his gf 'everyday'. Dah namanya kekasih gelap, mesti la dia layan aku lagi okay dari kekasih cerah. Of course I feel really guilty towards Rhino because I knew, flirting while you already have a partner is a disrespectful action towards him.. so I told him if he want to leave.. just leave... because I don't whether he's just kebetulan or he really like me.. then he said 'let me story kat you, nanti you decide whether I betul2 suka or kebetulan je'..

He confessed at me. He said he got his eyes on me during orientation week, (he's one of the fasi).[ Fun fact: I noticed someone was observing me, tapi buat rilek je] And aku pun double triple woah lagi laa.. aku yang lengai ni pun ada orang crush kaa nokrom haha I asked him, what did you see in me? I think I just a girl who don't want to talk to any human during WOW. He answered. Idk bu you have that daya tarikan that attract me. So terjadila cinta tiga segi saye. Oh last Thursday, I just finished with ES's class and Muz poked me.. I saw him in front of technician's room. Entah kat dia buatpe.. later that night he said.. earlier than that he already noticed me so he act like he didn't see me coming.. after I walked passed him, he followed me. That day, he got his chance to see my face. oh wow tahniah -_- [Fun fact: we don't meet each other] . After that.. I just re-think about his action before the confession happened ,firstly, he asked me to call him prince and I'm ok with that by thinking dia ni tak cukup kasih sayang maybe, second, he told me that he'll only pujuk his wife.. but everytime I was offended by him, he'll pujuk me in the best way. [By spamming my own name in my whatsapp's msg].

He's 20, same as Rhino but he's in the special case where he doesn't need to wait for his SPM's result to enter uni so he's already in sem 5. Tahun ni dah boleh graduate. The other things that contribute to my stress is.. both of them want to propose me after I finished my Diploma. huwarghh memang hatiku hatimu lah jawabnya aku..Marilah berhuhu bersama saye guys. Part lagi huhu tu, kokoci already told zikrizik about his feelings towards me and yep. ku lihatnya di seberang sana, di seberang sini pun hmmmm

yee it is my fault, pegi melayan dua2 tu kenapa.. hm so I just pray to the Lord , redho je la which one is my future husband. As long as he knows how to appreciate me and not talking about marrying another girl or otherwise I'll cut him into 20 pieces :)

So what you'll do right now?

I just layan sapa yang ada effort nak kat aku, nak layan ok, taknak layan sudah. Fullstop gitu. My only mission right now is to get good pointer in my studies and get a good job with reasonable salary so I can buy things without depending on my parent or husband :) Marriage? The one who get my parent's approval.

siapa ingat that one time deno meroyan takde bf? k I remembered. All I wish right now is.. I want to be single again huwaaaa t.t No one really care about what I did, who I talked to and so on.. but this is what God have plan to me and I can't say NO. So I just go with the flow without asking further questions :)

p/s: Mukhriz said,'aku bukan apa, aku tgk profile Instagram hang banyak kali tapi masih tk jumpa lawa tang mana hang nih' harommm hahaha

Super Duper Lazy

masih menunggu bunga ros i yg belum tentu ada org nak kasi duhh

It's already April! One more month till final exam. K *seen*. Lately, I'm super duper lazy, the more class cancel, the lazier deanna will be. Hypothesis accepted. I'm okay with the fact that our lecturer cancelled our class but semua dia gitau last minit. Dah bersiap pakai tudung pakai mekap bagai tetibe Iem send screenshot kelas cancel. Menyampah betul gais, terpaksa buat grand entrance masuk kafe dengan penuh bergaya .. padahal takdak kelas pun haritu. Sabar je la.. oh I already got my math and English's marks. okay je la markah tu at least my mum not turning into dinosaur's mom. This whole week, my activity was sleep. Niat nak study.. namun apakan daya.. niat bertukar menjadi naharam. Always. I keep questioning myself, 'y the fck u always sleep dyno? you're not that tired, you're not joining dragon boat or any club.. u don't deserve to be sleep' okay. So last night I set up my head straight, less sleep and keep doing activity. Haih just look at my stomach, it looks like I'm pregnant for 25 weeks. Oh I hope it's a boy -_- Iem even texted me, 'wei gemok, nak gi makan tak lepas maghrib,' that guy is being rude to me lately, siap ko. Okay so last night, I played badminton with yana, mien mien, iem, sam, iman and look my boyfriend joined too.

Poor that guy, I smashed his body, leg and so on. Sorry I'm not pro in this. We played beregu and I was in the same team with my boyfriend and there's this one moment where's Sam hit the shuttlecock and it hit rhino's forehead. I was laughing but at the same time I was concern about him, ye la mana tau amnesia pulak laki aku. But 85% I was laughing at him.. but God doesn't take too much time, the shuttlecock hit my forehead too. Fu Iem hahahaha. Most of the times when my rhino gave points to other teams, deep down in my heart I would like to throw my racket at his head but nevermind.. I love him (pergh sweet jugak aku ni kahkah) .  We played badminton until 12.30am. God bless 'mak guard' for not locked up the gate, otherwise Yana and me had to climb up and enter our room through unlocked windows hahah.  Oh while playing, I saw Ziks, you know. same old crush hahaha shh don't tell rhino. But Iem said it's not him so I continued playing macam orang gila sebab nak fight angin bagi shuttlecock tu smpai side sana. So ziks saw my craziness.. should I change uni rn? malu malu hahahaha so later that night I texted him and ended up I merajuk kat dia. So he pun pujuk la au menggunakan bahasa alien and suddenly I realize. Dah buang tebiat eh, hahaha betul la.. time dah ada boyfriend.. baru la crush hulu cerok mana datang jadi peramah, sebelum ni hilang cerok mana ntah. Then I remembered what Mukhriz said to me, a little bit rude but.. 'lancau hang jangan jadi player kesian boyfriend hang' hahahah vavi laki ni aku pulak dimakinya.

You know everytime I tried to love rhino like every couples did, it turns out I'll make him jealous and most of the time we wasted on pujuk'ing each other. Tak best la kan tapi what should I do? I never had a boyfriend before. kesiannya seorang dyno. Should I asked him to play badminton together to replace our date? I'm afraid it'll end up one of us died hhahaha suruh smashed shuttlecock, aku smashed orang. baek dyno baekk. oh he asked about syz, haih a little piece of me dead at that time. It's been a long time since I contacted him. Past is past gittew. I've a new life right now and I'm happy with it. New people, same 3 people and a fresh new restart. I miss Anis and saiyidah and so on (malas taip nama aina hahah) But I know everyone is busy with their life right now. I hope to get in touch with them soon :)  oh tetiba teringat mien mien punya order semalam.. 'nasi goreng papaya satu' peh rasa nak smack ja kerusi kat rambut angry bird dia tu, geram tengok rambut panjang2, even my boyfriend rambut panjang sikit pun aku gigih paksa suruh potong jugak. ha my boyfriend love me so he cut his hair hewhew. my H.A (hamba abdi) guys don't worry he won't mad. I love to make rhino's mad because after that he'll smile and laugh and that's the cutest thing I want to see everyday gittew. Ingat aku sesaja ka buat dia marah hahah. If his class started at 9am, I'll call him on 8am onwards and told him it's already 9am and he'll panic. Panic mu membuatku bahagia kahkahkah #stopdynosipembuli Everyone will give me advice to treat Rhino better but no, saye akan kacau awak sampai anak sepuluh pun saya still buli awak hahaha kkdak 

okay I should stop now, kemarin niat nak study esok listening test mandarin. hau hau la ngn iem esok t.t


ayy look how cute my classmate.
It's already 22nd March. wow it's a long time I didn't update my blog emm is it too late to say sorry? yeah lately I'm busy doing all the tutorials, tests and so on. There're so much things going on in my life that I don't have spesific time to update my blog but hey I'm on mid-sem break right now (a week only meh) ya I know semua org dah nak finals then there's me baru nak merasa mid-sem... huhu anyways.. for this past 3 months, I'm satisfied with my life. So here's sneak peak about the highlight of my life from february to today. Em let's see.. I've the best classmates, I'd done a crazy thing with ain (when I said crazy.. it means really crazy), movies with iem, mus up and muz, I wore 'that' marine uniform (finally) and I have a boyfriend...... (omg hahah me myself still can't get over with this fact hahah) .. oh addition: my phone crack #thatsoriginalscreemfml

wearing coverall to the workshop heyy

'macam doralin'-pityhati

in the lab hahah

paan, khalis, deno and iem

I'm so so happy with my life right now with great people around me who I knows they'll not betrayed me behind my back or else I'll go mona fendy towards them. (I'm dead serious) . Anyways, my classmate are the best *hands down*. We did a lot of crazy things together, do works together, remind each other about the important things and so on. haih it's been a long time that I forget how it feels to have a 'classmate'. Those deep cut wounds still healing and no way I could forget that but luckily I already move on and started a new life. For now I would say I'm closed to iem, mus up, sam, iman (even he hates me) bad, rashid (these two gems are so cute,you should meet them in real life), khalis and of course muz.. she's my roomate kud hahah. Besides being a friend, they actually our (muz and me) free-of-charge photographer hahah ya that's what a friend do kann.. don't disagree with me in this. But anyways I love all of you guys.. please don't leave me huhuhu.. the best day for us of course Tuesday.. Every Tuesday we must wear uniform and we all use that one concept.. pakai bersama, malu bersama hahah lucky la everyone looks good in that. hehe cheers!

muah ain
these 2 are so cute
hi muz
eh hi sam haha

Second, I'd done the most crazy thing with Ain.. more crazier than jumping over school's fence like we used to two years back. There's this one guy that Ain like and I bet he likes Ain too.. haih you guys should declare already la. So Muz already on her way home at Johor and yep there's me .. have to wait for Ain. That night after watching late night movie at cinemas with Adilla.. when I say late night it's already 1am++ We were watching Kung Fu Panda 3 and it was so cute.. the baby pandas!! I want to squeeze 'em aaarghhh. It was so cute that I text my boyfriend asking whether we can buy a panda in the future lol okk I continue.. after the movies, we went to Ain and Adila and me had our meal.. that's my first time I felt so awkward that I want to wear a box to cover my head.. ye la Ain with his scandal.. Adila with his bf.. while me... alone.... so .. I.. eat.. the.. noodles... with.. heavy-breathing... wishing.. muz.. was... there.. too. But my bad-luck night didn't end there, Ain took his scandal and me to Marina aand they talked.. and talked for hours.. from 1 to 6 freaking am. 6 in the morning guys.. I don't sleep for a day that day.. and for 5 hours I was sitting .. staring at the moon accompanying Ain. I know I'm such a good friend. If my mum knows about this, of course I'm in hospital already.

I think I already told you guys about my hot-tempered.. it happened again.. that day I was in rushed to finish ABR's tuto because he asked all of us to complete it by tomorrow.. while doing the tuto, my phone automatically turn off and it don't want to start normally.. I was so pissed of that I smashed my hand on the screen.. and it cracked. The boys said they never seen my 'hah seriously? it happened?' face before and they should take a picture of it earlier. guys, for this past 2 years+.. I dropped my phone more than 10 times and it never vrack.. I smashed it once with my freaking hand and it decided to cracked?! well played samsung.. pakiu *iem's voice* but it's okay, Alhamdulillah it don't affect the visual.. screen ja retak.. means tak la teruk sgt otherwise I've to buy a new phone hmph!


I know this is an interesting topic.. I've a boyfriend. I don't what I'd done but it happened. So my brother (brader angkat) told me about his friend who's interested to a be my friend and I said.. okay. So that guy add my wechat.. pergh dak2 wicet sekarunk hahahah after several days, I made the first move by 'hi' at him first... and from that day.. we chatted almost everyday until that one evening he invited me to play badminton with him so I said yes as I was alone in my room.. yep we played at the hall and Pau (my fasi during orientation week) keep telling our face are look-alike. Everytime he gonna played, he'll look at me asking.. 'ok?' and I was like yeah of course I'm okay.. we played until 7+ pm. Later that night he texted me asking if I want something to eat.. it turns out he treat muz and me with milo ais. Nikmat weh org belanja. Several days goes by .. and finally someone said he likes me. I waited for 18 years and this moment finally here! hahah okay let me describe him, he has a tough body but haih he's thin. (gila tak tough wakil main badminton hahah) If I'm hot-tempered, he more to cool, rilek and his patience's level are impressive as I am a very weird person.. not everyoene can handle my atittude but he show that he can. He said to me that once he already made a promise that he'll never fall in love again.. but then there's me. I don't which part of my face that he keep telling me that I'm cute.. even my mum said I'm ugly duck hahah cedih itew. He's a friendly guy. so friendly.... that syed.. yeah that syed my junior from high school already bff with him. sabar je la sis di sini 'best jugak sembang ngn laki hang' -syed herghhh. Oh he's 20. A year older than me hm. 3/3/2016. I don't remember the day he said he like me.. oh look how much deanna care about her relationship.. hm I should gave him a nickname in this blog.. if I'm deno.. so.. hah!! 'rhino' alah macam badak pulak hahahah lantak la cuz his name ada azri belakang so rhino. mihihi.

p/s: rhino gave me his instagram and ecitie pass.. hahah yey
(sorry for berterabur story line.. I've proposal that need to be finished hmm pardon me)

with abg seniurr heleh hahah

see u in the next post!!

4th Week

I want to cuddle with someone rn talking about what's happening today

Lol but I'm single so forget that, plus 'we're' not even halal and never will k. So hi, it's been hectic weeks, is it just me or I'm the only one who felt the orientation week just ended yesterday t.t So many tutorials I've to get it done or maybe I'm the one who need to be blame because I was so lazy. 'was' sekarang dah niat nak jadi rajin starting subuh esok. I promise huhu. So yep I'd done 2 quiz (technical mathematics and engineering science) I got 9/10 for tech math which is nice and I'm grateful for that. Thank you mates. Oh and I'd done Mandarin listening test, I'd thought I did it better which I'm 100% sure I got only 2/3 wrong and it turnt out I got 85%. Right in your face dude ha ha ha. ok pasni tk over-confident dah hm. Oh my classmates are so cool, so cool that there're only 2 gegurls in that class. My roomate and I and oh well they treat us like a queen. Sam treat me several times.. lanje air ja pun but still make me 'terharu' tho. Our class rep, Iem got that angel's voice hahah he always sang in our class.. Iman and Sam kept nagging at me how annoyed they're when Iem start to sing in the bathroom while washing clothes, 'system sound dalam ni best lah' hahah bongoklah. Oh Iem told me about how Sam held his hand in the middle of the pagi buta.. hahah mamai kud. such a cuties lah my classmate. Need to tell you guys about them more often after this. 

Last 2 weeks Muz and I went bbqing with Ain and her classmates. Menyibuk ja menyelit join sem 2 but hey, just for fun. Got the chance to meet Jat and he kept calling me Dik Na and Mustafa to Muz. Ikut suka hati ja mangkuk ni hahah and the day after tomorrow both of us went hiking. I was in such a pressure that my body say can't but my mind kept telling vice versa. For the sake of instagram and good picture, ku gagahkan jua lutut gua yang dah longgar ni and hey finally!! dh sampai puncak. hey siap boleh check in swarmapp lagi okeh omg 3g doe hahah You can check out the picture in my Instagram. Tetiba teringat niat nak exercise la bergym bagai tu kan.. okk *pretend hilang ingatan*

3 more weeks before midsem! Oh I miss my bedroom, I miss the food there. haih lapar la pulak. But anyways, all I can say about my new life here is.. better than ever gitu. So glad that people around me have such a big hearts and respect each other even we made fun of each other a lot. Oh psst I've 2 scandals shh hahah lamala makcik deno ni. Being single sometimes bosan so what could I do. Muz? already have 'the one' lah. jeles itew. oh and my abang is being a good abang like the other abang. abang-ception? hahah not blood-related lah. He study in sem 3 ship design and one of the abang gym. hahah si sado itu abangku. abangmu? hahah jk what did you do during ur free time? every evening (if rajin lah) I will take a walk around campus especially at volleyball court because there's this one abang ada jambang pastu tk tinggi macam terbantut ja kiut weh hahah more to jamu mata je la no har-feelings involve hmmmmm or I'll lepak at slipways merenung masa depan gitu sambil sketch something. Sometimes, during the night, after Isya' I'll go to main hall to play badminton with my guy classmates and I always be that one girl in there.. yang lain semua laki haih. I used to play with abang adam too, almost smash his head instead of the bulu tangkis k. I should stay away from him before someone will check in into hospital bcs of head injury.

aah already 12.09am. The worst part today is my charger rosakk. and right now I'm charging my phone using usb cable and netbook. Fk u kepala charger haih rosak hari lain tkleh ka. I already plan to get a new charger by tomorrow yey. yep gonna sleep rn cuz letih jawab kuiz es tadi. huhu noitee!! #muahrightback

The Un-Send Text

I hope I do have guts to send you this post's link :S

I know you still hate me till today and in the future.. I guess
But anyways, Happy Birthday to you. Finally you're 17 years old, where's my 15 years old syz that I've met before go? lol just kidding of course he grew up now. Last 5 months I was planning to send you a birthday text when the 00.00 strikes and thinking about giving you a gift but nah .. I fcked up. I thought we could be friend till forever but we couldn't make it. I'm having a hard times trying to adapt new situation. You're gone now so what I'm supposed to do? I lost a friend. To you, it's just me being over-dramatic whatsover. I can be the first one to text you but I think I'd enough. I don't feel appreciated by you. It's more like I'm the one who syok sendiri and you just.. okay layan ja la dia ni. I'm sorry if I was wrong in this but this is how I felt towards you, and you never have that commitment and time to explain the truth. So I left.
In life you'll realize there's a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
I'm sorry for not sending any text to you on this day because I'm busy pretending being busy to make me forget about today is your birthday and maybe I'll post a picture of you with your friends in my instagram on 11.59am. ((I promise I'll edit it so it doesn't look like you and people will ignore it)) I'm expecting your 'girlfriend' will do a special things to you better than I could.. lol whatever. So Happy Birthday. I hope you'll have a blast day today with awesome people and have fun because I'm no longer exist in your life yey. ((It might be a good news to you and for me, I'll ended up having major mental breakdown here @ Lumut, Perak)) Take a good care of yourself and your study. Study smart so you can get a straight A in SPM and pursue your study at overseas. Physically, maybe I'll act like I don't care about you anymore but spiritually, I always include you name.. and of course your friends too in my Du'a. I pray for your good health and hoping you'll never find a friend like me anymore, God will help you meeting a better person than me. hm lagi apa eh em, oh whatever competition that you get yourself into.. I hope you'll win and share the gifts with you loved ones... I know you kedekut, so just share lol. ((idk what to wish anymore because my weak soul start to take over myself by crying..and I'm still okay))

Personally, being 17 last year taught me to not trust people easily and spend a lot more of quality time with your friends because I can feel the regret now. Just tell them how grateful you're to have them in your life and try to make a lot of memories with 'em.  I'm sorry I just realised that I take you for granted, I never do the things that I state up there to you and now you're gone. so so sorry hm . You have to face spm this year, all I can say is.. starts now. Whatever subject you take.. just start doing revision right now. I start a little late and look.. fcking 4A and luckily I got the upu but I choose unikl huhu. Don't forget to saving up your money. Start early. The earlier the better. Try to improve your sec language yakni Bahasa Inggeris.. just try speaking with Meman ka amri.. nandos or ikut suka.. it might be helpful in the future. Don't postpone everythings, kalau ada homework, settle cepat2. I ended up being depressed because I couldn't finish my addmath's hw and it feels terrible. Deep down in my heart you're still my friend, and I don't want my friend to get hurt just like I used to.

Okay I think this is enough, I'm not expecting you to read this long paragraphs but if you did. Thank you :(( Sorry for the things that I said last year ..hurting you .. a little bit (( or much idk)) This is 'scheldule' post. It means I don't type this on 5th february..

Today is 31st December 2015 and I'm hoping to get a last text from you so we can try to be friend again in 2016 but I guess it will not happening like yo who am I to you? krik krik krik but ya I just redho je la. hm padan muka aku.
Life is going to get hard sometimes. Get up. You're either an ocean or a puddle. Don't be a puddle. People walk through puddles like they're nothing. Oceans destroyed cities. Choose wisely.
31st December 2015,

Pangkor Island

So Ain and Adilla were staying at my room last night because their house were so messy that they don't have space to sleep that night, so yep my roomate was okay with that. I woke up at 8+ am (terlepas subuh lagi gais astaga). Ain and Adilla were planning to bring me to their house but then I saw Muz was getting ready. I asked her where she want to go and she said she want to go to Pangkor Island. I swear to God no one ever told me about that trip. So I asked her whether there's one spot left and luckily they sais yes. So I was getting ready as soon as I can (probaly the fastest in my life) I brought my pink water bottle and a bagpack full with cloth and so on.  17 people la kud were joining. So we got into zikri's car (9 of us) and that car was packed af macam sardin dah kitorang but we tried to look cool as we can.

We arrived at Terminal Jeti and they told us to have breakfirst first and they wil get back here again in one hour. While having our breakfast, ada la bergossip mak jemah sikit about what happened during wow that I can't tell here ;) hhaah.. After the boys arrived and had their meals. we headed up to the jeti to get on the boat, on the way there we took a lot of photos. tu belum naik bot lagi hahah semua orang eksaited lebih nak masuk dalam frame gambar. So we manage to get into the boat and all of us stand at the back so we can see the breathtaking views in front of our eyes. Yep a lot more photos were taken, tu belum sampai pangkor hahah oh and there's this 3 hijabister on the boat and one of us dengan selambanya asked her to take our group picture hahah maseh akak.. I don't use my phone a lot cuz you know samsung is a little bit honest when it comes to take selfie so I'm gonna go with Iphone..  I don't count how many minutes it takes to arrive at Pangkor heheh.

So we arrived at Pangkor and there're vans that took us to the beach. The ride was hella crazy because of the geography and berbukit. I've to sit between two boys because it already full at the front huhu. After experiencing that crazy ride, we headed up to the beach and quickly we changed our outfits for getting into the water. (idk about the snorkelling untill I arrived there huhu lucky pakai slipar and dah bawak baju lebih) After dah done semua, we wore safety life jackets, put on crocs's shoes ( diorang sedia ) and took the goggles (kalau bagi hilang prepare la rm100) . It requires 2 boats to bring us to the destination so I just took a walk at the front with some other people and suddenly we heard adam and gang said 'bye2 kami naik bot lain' and we looked at each other macam.. okay fine hahah. So on the first boat were zikri, ros, me and the others which I can remember. As soon as we on the boat and dah gerak berapa jauh, zikri noticed someone's phone is with him so he wave to that person showing his phone hahah serupa kena troll dah orang kat sana.

We took a lot of selfies on his phone.. sorry gotta do that hahah and we took video of us tu tapi malas ah nak post muka macam apa ja hahah. After visiting some of the famous rocks there (I wish I was that famous like them) , we arrived at the snorkelling place.. you've to be extra careful when walking cuz the rocks were very sharp that my feet habis calar. After wearing the goggles, I stepped into the water and it's okay lah sebab my feet sampai dasar.. so I want to challenge myself to go to deeper.. but someone keep pulling and holding my hands because she was too scared hahah. yah so I hold her hands and we were snorkelling together. The boys dah pegi jauh dah. Personally I don't know how to swim eaither but hey that safety life jacket is trustable so I just keep going until my feet doesn't touch the ground. After a while, adam's group arrive and it turn out adam doesn't know how to swim too. hahah sembang jangan buat malu ambik course marine tapi takut air. All of us actually tak reti berenang .. ada sorang ja reti pun. Most of the time I keep kicking adam's leg because the wave was pushing me towards him lel.

I manage to see fishes when they threw the expired bread but adam keep telling us to keep and eat that bread as our lunch. nya la keras papoi roti tu. Throughout the snorkelling sessions, adam kept telling his friends to pull him wherever he want to go because his eyes were sore because of the sea water hahah. I just swimming and chilling nearby zikri, muz, syu and so on. lama gak ah dalam air tu so we kitorang naik la ke atas darat and wait for the boat to arrive. While waiting of course la ambil gambar lagi banyak huhu. After that, we visit a lot of rocks and then we arrived at the beach. While waiting for others to finish changing their outfits, adam said, 'kalau nak tahu kalau perempuan tu betul2 perempuan, tanya ja ada tisu ka dak,' he asked every girl with that question and semua takdak until shu came and asked adam back.. nak tisu basah ka kering and we laughed ..hahah sejati betul la shu. We took the same van to go to the jeti and while waiting for the boat, ros created pangkor's group for photo sharing. Sumpah banyak do gambar.

so lepas dah sudah naik bot, we went to kfc to fulfill our lapar-ness. Gambar lagi hahah and after that zikri decided to take us to go to pasar malam. Inside that car was so festives hahah dengan menyanyi bagai.. lawak semua ada.. bila dah smpai aeon tu,we're looking for parking and lucky zikri have human alarm at the back that day and we found the parking spot while zikri keep saying 'syaitan' because he's already annoyed with all of us hahah sorry. Muz and I performed our Asar inside that aeon and walk together just tengok2 pe ade kat pasar malam tu. We're the first one who arived at the car so yep.. just scrolling our phone. After that, Zikri took all of us back at hostel and it's alreay 7++ pm. hehe so thanks ziri for giving us ride and refuse taking duit minyak from us. Thank you abang and kakak faci despite all of us perangai tak ketahuan, still taking us to this pangkor trip.. I heard they're planning for hiking nnti huhu can't wait for that..

so here's the picture!!

lawa pulak kamera samsung huhu

band baru #soon hahah

the people in my circle? those who make me feel blessed not stressed