stand up

It's fasting month and Ain had left to Mimet last Sunday. Its ain't even July yet and I'm super duper bored. 4 more month till UniKL release their official letter to me. After that I just have to wait another 3 months. Gosh.. it is 214++ days more. I don't think I can't do this but how can I do. Last 12 June Ain told me that UITM had accepted my ' rayuan UPU '. Its DIP in Mechanical Engineering. Same U with Aina, Anis Syafiqah and etc at Penang. The funny part is.. they release the result at 12 June and asked me to go daftar at 15 June like dude. How tf I settled all my things in 2 days. I told Faiq about that and we promised to not telling anybody about that. Even my parent didn't know about that. Sorry mak .. abah. When my mum is mad.. she'll said that I'm useless because of my unsuccessful rayuan.. I keep telling myself that.. "okay deanna you know the truth.. just swallow those words" . wow I can control my self-stressed nowadays.

I keep asking Ain how the orientation week. Are those fellas out there being nice to you? Do you meet new friends? How about fasi? What activities they they asked you guys to do? Did you met sir effendy? haha calmly she answered those question and keep sending me tonnes of picture. The best part is.. she said she met that sir. OMG *cahaya harapan menyinari* No more crush there. My purpose is. Get a damn good result to impress the lecturer. Level ikhlas : Deanna 999 . After sliding the picture through Instagram, now I feel so scared to go through orientation week. What if everyone is so good-looking and it's just me with this face. Insecure naww. What If I get hate on the first day? What if my classmate didn't like me? During orientation.. all of us must get into the lake ok. I mean not the usual lake.. it's tasik kumbahan. Dude, I rather choose to stay cold in the sea. One more things is maybe I don't mention my Ig's name or whatsover. Even on averroes.. I'll hide my face than facing those seniors that following me. This insecurity things made my confident level went low. Nevermind I still had 200++ days to change that.

So my only problem right now is.. what I'm gonna do to fulfill these days. I ran out of friends. ahhh boringnyaa. I can't sleep all day. It hurts my brain and eyes. My eyes seems makin kabur. aduhhh. So last night I went through pictures to get some positive vibes. And I found this quotes.. it makes me feel excited to do stuffs in my life
"Get excited about the little things. About wearing new outfits for the first time. About Sunday brunches with your best friends. About the new cute guy in the class. About finding an extra dollar in your pocket. About anything that even remotely makes you happy because you grow up, passions fade and enthusiasms get mistaken for foolishness. So don't let the grey world stop you from shining" 

Why I should be sad? All this time I keep giving extra bullet for the wrong people. And I choose to be kind and soft-hearted to others even they didn't like me somehow. I'll do anything to make someone happy. Right now just focused on God. Boys? lol He had decided someone for me and I trusted Him. From now on.. I'll keep searching for new things. I'll go through dictionary to find some new words everyday. Plan a journal or somehow. Spend less time on phone. (For my sake of my eyes) haih.. I hope I could go through this 200 + days doing cool activities. gtg. boii #muahrightback