The time had come. I don't know maybe it's just my unstable emotion but... I was so heartbroken these past few days. I'm sad.. I scrolled my Instagram's feed and syaz upload a polaroid pic of him with the girl. I cried so hard. That I decided to block him on Instagram and wechat. I don't want none of his post breaks my heart. I also hide my birthday's notification on facebook. I don't feel any excitement to celebrate my own 18th birthday this year. Everyone are being assholes.. and my parent also pushing me.. said bad things about me and that stressing me off! Luckily that one guy is still by my side, paiq:) tak rasa nak sambut birthday ah tahun ni hmm. pergi ah tido segarkan mata. lel Deanna is always feels great to celebrate her birthday and he remember that. Am not put any high hopes onto him. One day he'll leave to.. found his soulmate. I'm scared that this situation gonna be repeated. Syaz situation. I put high hopes onto him and I'm the one who falls hard while he didn't care at all. I felt like all this time he's using me to escape from all his problems that he had or he just bored no one to talk to. And I always gave him second chance all over again that the reality is he shouldn't get that chance. hmm. Maybe I pros in all things but when it comes to love, I have bad luck in it. I'm not planning to have some type of goals that all teenager in my age want.. all I want is good friends, great job and money. I don't want to forget Him too. I put trust in Him. He knows what's the best for me and I'm waiting for it.
Just now I just change my dp with my pic of syaz and me last year. That's the happiest moment in my life and the greatest memory of all time which changes my life 360 degree. I won't be active using that Ig anymore. Everything there are hurtful. Thanks for the memories. I shall not forget each one of you. I want to have some me time now. I don't want to waste any time from now on. Move forward. I'm responsible for everything that happened. Maybe 2015 is not my year. Maybe it is Ain's year. Something good gonna happen at her. Who knows. I want to start planning again. Drawing dope things again. I want to read books. Maybe everyone around me including my parent hate me right now but hey next year I'll be gone. I planned to get a job on a ship. yep marine engineer. I don't care if I won't get married at the age of 40's. I want to be happy. How I'm supposed to make a guy happy even to myself couldn't do that. Hey once upon a time I was so scared knowing that I'm gonna be alone doing some activity.. from primary to secondary schools. But now, I don't even scared. I take that as a challenge. I'm gonna face all things alone. Doing all things by myself which I always ask Ain to do that. Mukhriz always scold me for that -,-
Yass change for the better. Ain told me that her mum will go to Makkah and she ask her to pray for our success. All of us going to UK for degree, one day InsyaAllah. I will work harder and smarter to achieve that. Please ease our journey dear God. I admit that 2015 is the toughest year in my life. I'm glad to be able to face and feel it. God is testing me and you what it's mean? It's mean God loves me and He remembers me. I shall not forget Him after this. Ramadhan is coming closer and I planned to do many prayer that I could. I don't plan to have a nice relationship with my family member as I knew it gonna be total failure. 6 months is not that long. I bear that in mind. but I pray for good things to happen in my life. Wish me luck!! lol it's like me wishing to myself. gotta go now hiks #muahrightback