Bad Boi


22032015

Well I trapped. One step ahead, sins toward parent. One step backward, I'll living dead for the rest of my life. Well kids, this is the truly definition of.. live to follow what people ask you to do, without asking about your opinions. The thought of killing myself really tempting. At one time, I just grab those knife and slice my main vein. I'd wrote thos suicide letter.. or trying to knot those rope and hang it. Or just drink those poison. Let car hit me or something else. I wish I'm dead.I never blame the world, because its never fair to all people .Being pushed to do something you don't like.. it's like someone asked you to raise manchester united's banner but you're Arsenal's fan. Do you get it? get it get it? It's all about pride tho. Am not robot like 17 years ago. 

All A's in UPSR? ok that's only your luck. Go register at sekolah agama instead. 
All A's in PMR? ok that's only your luck again. God's helping you. Go choose Biology.
Fail at SPM. you're so stupid. Don't deserve this living. All of our efforts is just waste of time. Oh God why our daughter is so so so so stupid. Go register form 6 instead and that's okay because mom do it the last time and now she'd became a teacher.

No I'm okay. Just keep all the cursing stuff in the danger box at the back of my mind. At that point I knew. None of my blood related supporting me. My friend's parents all support me. It's funny tho when your parent don't know how to raise a teenager. At least am not drug addicted. Take that as granted. Right now, I'll just do what I want. Woke up at 5am, settle all the things that I need to.. go back to sleep and just pray to God at what time I will wake up. I'll turn off the lights and think about suicide most of times.  Some days I just sneaked out from my house just to hangout with my friends and lied to them. My parent is so weird. When I told them the truth, they just scolded me. When I lied,, that'll be okay. I'm sorry I just have to love myself. Am not looking forward to happy family. Family never existed in my life dictionary. It's just someone who you used to love. They'd never to understand me. What subjetcs that I'd take.. even I took LK.. to them. LK=ARTS. For your information, it's not the same. Unless you're not open minded. Why do I've to understand people that never try to understand me. Simple principle of life.  Idk what will happen next.. whether I'm gonna make it alive or not. Time will decide.I never blame my friend for not standing by my side when I need the.. they're not guilty doe hm :)  But what make me hold up my plan and never do it? 

sorry for bothering you at this hour , idk how many times I think about killing myself. why? my parent don't support me . I don't think they will. I don't want to live anymore. Hidup untuk complete benda yang orang rancang. Am not robot yang orang leh program. Idk what will happen next.. alive or not. heheee sorry kaco byee don't forget me - 00.45am

Replied
alololo, tabahkan diri. InsyaAllah one day your parent will understand. Jangan lemahkan semangat tu Mungkin ada sebab. sabar nahh. semoga berjaya. hee will not forget you.- 00.48am
I DROPPED THE KNIFE.
Nak bertolak dah, aku balik dulu, Assalamuailaikum. Semoga berjaya -Ahad,220315 

Sebab Faiq.