So it's been hectic days.. first of all, yesterday I got driving lessons and the first two tries it seemed like I nailed it. Call the jpj and I'm gonna pass bitch!! not so long after that.. I messed up with the step and the car stuck at the boarder aand my teacher wasn't there. Luckily there's a teacher volunteered to solve the problems. Malu Ba b!! ahahahahaha I can't express how many people there.. Idk whether they witnessed the incident or nah. After that I just okay I'm done. Then my teacher came and laughed when I told him about the incident. bruh didn't you ever mad? Deanna tried to destroy your car just now -_- "hahahaha hang loqlaq, bila nak bawak aku pi jenjalan?" That's what Syz said. Bro, you can get killed if I'm the driver. While syed, "aku nak pi cerita kat satu sekola senior bawak kereta naik tembok." If i ever know that someone from school knew about this, tau la aku nak tonyoh muka sapa. And my teacher confidently booked the JPJ's test this Thursday. You can see the 'help me' sign in my smile and I hope he's understand but nah you can do it Deanna and your future is getting your P this Thursday. When I told him about my 'z' problem, he just like okay a day before the test, I'll monitor you doing the z. Fck det.

Later that night, I just collected all my physical and spiritual energy to ws Nandos. pfft you know who if you know me well. It's been 20+ days since he never replied my messages. sobs sobs. And he replied like blaming me for dissapear too long.. eh?  and I told him yeah I'm so sad like he abandoned me for some unknown reason and I told all stuff that happened to faiq and he just .. eh?? *laugh ft cry emoji* he said that He's busy with all bahas thingy but that crazy kid aka syz online for 24 hrs. "aku akan reply selagi yang termampu" bodoe la ayat hahhaaha If you see I'm tweeting or post anything that related about rabbit.. it refers to nandos. I sent him baby rabbit's picture with caption.. kawan eh?  he replied with thumbs up emoji.. gebu macam nan. I thought that there'll be an awkward situation. Deanna is so scary as fck when she's flirting with someone. But nah, he replied.. "kann.. hahahaha" I WANT TO SQUEEZE HIS FACE LIKE SQUISHY DOLL!! ok chill. Yeah he's short but his head is big enough.. no wonder his exam result way to high than stars. because he's a God. ok again chill weh.His physical appearance makes me want to ugh.. I mean gomoi him la like a cat. See? that's why you should consider marrying me because I'm way too sweet than candy lulz.

But anyways if some of you messages me or whatever but I took so long to reply. I'm away playing games or I'm not with my phone. I played kim kadeshen stuff game but get too annoyed when that bij willo pepe or whatsover her name make my followers gone. dck ya biyatch. aand I played farm stuff game. shiptown. addme!! haha lulz kbye


Nothing changed. It's just like the usual days. There's me drawing.. sleeping and even chilling on the bed all day. I'd driving lessons just now and things get more ugly day by day. I can't even pass the 'Z' part which I cursed a lot in the car as the teacher are not in there. Everybody just looking at me with weird expression. Maybe they never saw a girl cursing kut lol. I met Bellon there. Dah QTI doe. Untunglah. So ya I do get some offers but I swear to God I never tell you about the details. I'll leave you with 'read' signs if you asks me via ws. Things get pretty messed up. Honestly, I think that sometimes people around me have mental issues somehow that whatever my friends or I did.. they'll hate it and posted in group's message. Why acted like you're 8 when you're 18. Maybe you just think ya melawak ja mental buat apa.. but at some point thats joke broke someone's heart and I'm not good handling heartbroken people. Just say something shit but I never replied or whatsover.. I'll just read and closed my eyes. How do people tend to do this. You do have your partner (bf/gf) but why need to bother other's life. Our sadness is your happiness? ok have  a blessed life with that shitty attitude. May your friends didn't leave you. And now my friends and I are really upsets about how things going and we're done. Do something what makes your happy.. let us down if that what you want. But may I asked you something? Aren't we using your fuel's money when we hangout? Aren't we brought you girlfriend / boyfriend? Aren't we spamming you whatsapp? Aren't we? So let's make things clear. You do tell us what we did wrong and we tell you our sins so you can sharpen your knife. Don't you guys ever message any of us asking where do we study because our answer will be the same. The school life had ended but you guys never planned to end all this things. This called bullying. 

This is beyond our imagination. How dare you could do this to your so called friends. Maybe we're facing satans not people. People won't do this because they can think logically what's right or wrong. Whatever. Goodluck. I feel bad for dereksyener but you guys still have the band while mine had splitting. So I just text Syz asking man, I got some serious question to ask you, may i? Silakan.. Tf you'd leave 1D? I don't feel comfortable with Louis. Leknet !! hahahaha his face is way out of the league to compare with Zayn hahaha. I mad at him a while ago but Deanna will always be Deanna. The one who say sorry first. I hate myself for being too kind. haih One week to go till Faiq's back. Nk smuggle cukup2 kahkah. As you know I'm always refers Siti as my mum and Haziq as my father. Yesterday I got some big news hahaha. Musang just called me 'nak' like ntahla nakk. Since when you're becoming my father? since I found you at the side of main road. Someone left you there. I don't have gut to leave you alone. dejehh hahahaha. I'm so grateful to have humourous friends. Even there's one bij that can't reply my ws because his wifi is facing tough times. #prayforsafwanswifi . oh yaa  haritu (lupa dh bi haha) I downloaded this game apps called japanese doll.

I see it on my timeline that the games had some untold mystery somehow. So I just downloaded it without even thinking that the post could be true. First when I played it.. I got some headache somehow but I feel dizzy. The next day when I'm with my friends.. there's so much bad things happened.. untill mukhriz's call me bad luck. The highlight of the day when Ain's mum called and somehow mad at her for unknown reasons. That's the time when I just okayy.. just uninstall before anything worst happened or someone dead. But pls. Don't downloaded it. Sincerely me. 

Bad Boi


Well I trapped. One step ahead, sins toward parent. One step backward, I'll living dead for the rest of my life. Well kids, this is the truly definition of.. live to follow what people ask you to do, without asking about your opinions. The thought of killing myself really tempting. At one time, I just grab those knife and slice my main vein. I'd wrote thos suicide letter.. or trying to knot those rope and hang it. Or just drink those poison. Let car hit me or something else. I wish I'm dead.I never blame the world, because its never fair to all people .Being pushed to do something you don't like.. it's like someone asked you to raise manchester united's banner but you're Arsenal's fan. Do you get it? get it get it? It's all about pride tho. Am not robot like 17 years ago. 

All A's in UPSR? ok that's only your luck. Go register at sekolah agama instead. 
All A's in PMR? ok that's only your luck again. God's helping you. Go choose Biology.
Fail at SPM. you're so stupid. Don't deserve this living. All of our efforts is just waste of time. Oh God why our daughter is so so so so stupid. Go register form 6 instead and that's okay because mom do it the last time and now she'd became a teacher.

No I'm okay. Just keep all the cursing stuff in the danger box at the back of my mind. At that point I knew. None of my blood related supporting me. My friend's parents all support me. It's funny tho when your parent don't know how to raise a teenager. At least am not drug addicted. Take that as granted. Right now, I'll just do what I want. Woke up at 5am, settle all the things that I need to.. go back to sleep and just pray to God at what time I will wake up. I'll turn off the lights and think about suicide most of times.  Some days I just sneaked out from my house just to hangout with my friends and lied to them. My parent is so weird. When I told them the truth, they just scolded me. When I lied,, that'll be okay. I'm sorry I just have to love myself. Am not looking forward to happy family. Family never existed in my life dictionary. It's just someone who you used to love. They'd never to understand me. What subjetcs that I'd take.. even I took LK.. to them. LK=ARTS. For your information, it's not the same. Unless you're not open minded. Why do I've to understand people that never try to understand me. Simple principle of life.  Idk what will happen next.. whether I'm gonna make it alive or not. Time will decide.I never blame my friend for not standing by my side when I need the.. they're not guilty doe hm :)  But what make me hold up my plan and never do it? 

sorry for bothering you at this hour , idk how many times I think about killing myself. why? my parent don't support me . I don't think they will. I don't want to live anymore. Hidup untuk complete benda yang orang rancang. Am not robot yang orang leh program. Idk what will happen next.. alive or not. heheee sorry kaco byee don't forget me - 00.45am

alololo, tabahkan diri. InsyaAllah one day your parent will understand. Jangan lemahkan semangat tu Mungkin ada sebab. sabar nahh. semoga berjaya. hee will not forget you.- 00.48am
Nak bertolak dah, aku balik dulu, Assalamuailaikum. Semoga berjaya -Ahad,220315 

Sebab Faiq. 

Random thought

so hi,
I hope Aina read my message at her blog lololo I leave my blog's link there. So here we are.. now our friendship is on the red zone which is .. its gonna be falling apart as am no longer close to mukhriz lel. Or he just doin't his thing? like bebai sort of merajuk like once upon a time. But me don't care lulz. So its been a while I'm shut myself down. I just sketching.. colouring.. post it on ig.. batak gila ayat but that's the real deanna. Take it or leave it. My phone seems having a relax time as no one messages or finding me.. or they don't realize that I'm missing? I don't want to be sad anymore.. so I smoke weed.. kdak jkjkjk. too poor to buy weed. Safwan is at KL with his family.. that bij is really something.. ugh

Faiq is at his kampung which is nevermind. Have fun with your grandparent. I sent him a picture of a girl that same age with me had enganged and he asked me.. deanna nak kawin awai jugak ka? sp I replied.. I just have to wait Faiq finished his study.. well that's escalated quickly.. but he replied .. galak, bagi habis belajar dulu. I laughed till I can feel I've six packs doe. He always have that punchline and the most dangerous is.. the punchline always hit the target.. I feel so dumb when texting him.. how can 16 years old have higher IQ than 17 years old. People always mistaken me.. they thought that I'm in form 4. Nak kata diri muda le tew .. haha Syz's word. It's great cuz they're not asking about my SPM result phew. So I told Faiq about the date that we first met and just like.. betulka tarikh tu and I just like.. can you just agree with me smh? And he asked me about my car's licence. He planned to ask me pick him up to go chill out.. I mean eat or something.. take deanna out from her cave. But I don't had licence yet sobs sobs. So he cancelled it. There's goes my chance to meet him again. I told him that, after this I can't see you anymore. He consoled me that .. InsyaAllah one day kita jumpa ahh jangan sedih. hmm see?! How can I unlove him. Sometimes he's giving me advise .. to move on.. don't let the past haunting you and distract you to plan in the future. hmmmm be my husband please.. ish Idc lah he's 2 years younger than me. Che ta dengan zain boleh huh. cliche ja ayat kahkahkah

Ya I kinda enjoy this living sometimes. No one could ask me to be what they want me to be. Wake up.. take a shower.. settle house cleaning.. scrolling instagram.. replying messages.. (if there's any lol). sketching.. or reading novel (which I borrowed from my neighbour at the back of my house). Watching tv. Kinda addicted to Hyde Jekyll me at channel 393. About a person with 2 personalities. The hero is so eye-catching. Handsomenya sobs sobs. Keep this secret. I don't want no one knows that deanna watch korean dramas. After that maybe I do some blogwalking.. but smh they don't update their blog. frustnya.. em.. then maybe sleep..  I don't want to open twitter app because I know that bij Mukhriz is having some real good conversation with mai.. haahahaha fakyu =)  So yah that's it.. I want to sleep doe haha boii


So here is the post after SPM result.. em em em, I got 4A *whispering* . I only cried at the beck of my minds, physically I acted nothing went wrong. Just a bad day. None of my squad got straight. yey highfive skit hahaha typical deanna.I went home and my parent just spit out the words that made your heart breaks into million parts.sobs sobs. The truth is finally out. My parent is nazi. lel. They pushed the fck out of me to follow their words. Ask me to pursue study in form6. Hell no. No technical subjects there. My parent didn't know their daughter so well/ All they want is.. they want me to become a cute teacher. lol. It's not gonna work out. I will end up hanging up myself or cut my wrist. I want to be engineer. Thank God. My friend and relatives still supporting me.. my friend's parent too. It's just my parent didn't get the concept. Haih.. I don't want to raise up my voice towards them but their action make me to. I have to stand up by myself. The only one who have to study is me.. not them. Otherwise I just ask my mum to go to university if that what she wants. Asian parent is so stressing me out. And now I just hope that God help me and proves my mum wrong. Bad vibes and thoughts never give anyone advantage. And know there;s a battle between me and my mum.. about who's opinion is the right one. My head gonna explodes. It's not only my parent. FRIENDS. The backstabbers..

Me, Ain, Mukhriz and Haziq are confused what the hell that girl wants... she talked behind our backs and pretend like she done nothing. How do we knows? Luckily God gave all of us brain that functioning well...  and now all we can do is. SILENCE. We don't care what she'll do and done. Her life never bother us. The two face creatures is something that you all need to avoid. But we can't. She always haunted us.. she tweeted about things that we'd done but she don't understand the reason we do that.. I'd set my wall high. When I get myself into uni's life. No bitch can pass that wall. Guys too. I don't trust people lately except those 3 aliens. We spent most of our times together. Doing adventure, picnic.. and soon bake a cake together. Maybe I'll just watch. My cooking skill is so terrible. Oh Haziq helped me meet someone new.. who? safwan. haha he is my tuition friend but I never see his face. Maybe because I just don't care about what happen around me that time. He's ggmu. Hahaha it's okay to have a friend from rival teams. He's a fan of anime and love to play futsal. The problem is always. hmm and haziq said that I'm the one who send him messages at the wrong time. lol I feel bad. Do you like him? umm no la kud. No.. no.. yes? nononono... It's to early. I don't want to get attached like Syz. Our relationship went well.. even there's part that we fight. and I'm the one who apologies.

That guy remember the day when we first met while this person just mistake about the date. hah *facepalm*. Ibni seems forget what happened the incident that had happened. I casually helped him to get attention from his crush lol. I'm a best senior told ya'. Today is Syd's birthday. We took a selfie on the results day. see? Deanna has zero feeling about her terrible result. I wished him at my new tumblr account.. because I forgot the password of the old one. I started to forget things lately hm. so what's your plan? I don't know.. waiting for the letter.. and sketching.. driving lessons. Still didn't get the license. Those 3 aliens have the p license including anis. hmmm.. I know I'm not the only last person. bruhh.. so yeah.. I think I'll ended up here.. Gotta work to do heh. xoxo