Stand Up

4 more days untill the result's day. I admit that even me personally feel so scared and want to puke whenever I think about it. I don't want to dissapoint people that supported me. I got this idea.. it's just thing that will help me to overcome my fear.. I'll make a card.. I'll write down every word that Faiq told me before. Reading it back make me feel calm and smile. It feel like I'm in my own world. It's just me and him. That day.. I hope that I can feel the sense that he's sitting next to me.. accompanying me to claim the result as my parent can't make it before that have a job. I'll feel like he's looking at my face..admiring my long eye-lashes attew haha just experiencing my imagination. Even he's 200++ km away from me.. I still can feel his presence . whatever happens.. happens. 

That day I will hand Aiman .. a shirt that Syaz want the most. sorry I can't give it to Syz because he hurt me more than  twice and fooling with my trust that I'd given to him. Do he need to lie, he can tell the truth but he choose not to tell.. He dissapointed me. I'll let his sweetheart buy that shirt herself so syz will love her even more. Even there's a.. story about giving a guy shirt could destroy your relationship with him.. I don't trust that story but if it's true.. I'd take this risk.. lost contact with Aiman is... It's hard for me but I hope it will never happen. Amin. 

To the people that on the same boat with me. Believe yourself. Don't stop praying. Let go and let God. Whatever result that you get.. accept it that you had done your best and that is the result. You still have the second chance at uni's life. Don't kill yourself haha that's not the problem solving.. you'll 'menyusahkan' your parent.. yeah that had to find kain kafan.. that kapas.. to bury you dalam tanah. haih.. this is why I never be a teacher. sometimes I'll give people bad vibes and they'll hate me. so goodluck. So I'm deanna. I want to apologize if my attittude annoyed you guys. This is me. So yeah.. goodluck!! 

It's 3 am in the morning.. I can't sleep.. with this thought.. that you're leaving tomorrow, a week before the result day.. You're the only person that really understand me rather than myself. I would give up if I met myself. I feel .. A L O N E. Everyone is sleeping. I got no one to answer to. No one to entertain. I just shut 2 people out today. I felt really guilty. I swear I'm gonna be good for you and everyone else. JJust want to let you know that I'll love you forever. Before you left.. you asked me to take care of myself and wishing I'll get straight A for next week I .. I just... if I don't get that straight A... maybe I failed myseld..you and my parent. Everyday I wish that you didn't wish me 'nite' text..or even saying goodbye like syz.. because I don't want you to leave me for the second time.. last time you did.. I did something stupid and I'm hurting so much. And now I can't let go.

If you were mine for the next 10 years. I'll treat you better. You always giving me positive vibes even I'm always be a bad girl these past years. You tought me to believe in me. You're the first person that realised about my dimple at my left cheek during we first met. Noticed about my long eye lashes. Made an effort  to fulfill my wishing. Eventhough I said I didn't like you.. I lied. I can't fall for you. Who knows that's just the only way to keep you from breaking my heart.. but we close together.. The way you console me if I mad at you... no ne does that except you. You really want me to be brave to ace this world alone..without you... saying that I'm good at math.. but I taught you the wrong solutions and we got false answer.. still good tho..I love to see how you respond when I sent you my pick up line... it'll turn wrong seh hahahaha am not laughed actually.. I'm crying.. first because of you.. second.. it's dark here and maybe ghost were here.. third.. I don't feel like sleeping.. and four.. mukhriz mad at me.. you don't even leave yet but I got 98 per 99 problems right now.. HELP ME :(( nvm I'll reading our old text and our picture untill I sleep kayh. :) thanks -3.30am

My bad boi


Hi so today is 6th February 2015
Yesterday was 5th February 2015.. It's syz's birthday. Yah last time I talked about him is when I'm in angry mood. at 11.49pm; 11 minutes till 5th February.. I wish him happy birthday via whatsapp. and he replied. And everything went normal back again. ugh I hate myself. I asked him about that girl who acted like syz was her bf. Even I'm trusting her not syz. sowwy syz. He said that his relationship with her is like mine. ONLY FRIEND. ppffft friendzone alert. lol poor naj..

I made him a drawing and asked sufy to upload it on facebook. That cunt believe sufi did the drawing lol whatever. And now we're together back again. And the cycle will repeat untill we die. I'm waiting for this upcoming 11 March. That day means our friendship have been a year. Even he doesn't feel excited as I am I don't care. I'm lacking of idea right now. uhuu bye.